It was all I could do not to burst into tears....I couldn't understand it all!  

It was Spanish class and my new teacher speaks Spanish in class a lot more than my last teacher did.  Sometimes I feel a little lost.  I miss my old Spanish teacher!   The way she explained the Spanish vocabulary and grammar made a lot more sense to me than my new teacher does!   And I miss my Spanish tutor!  It was so fun and exciting learning a new language this spring & summer semester.  But this fall is different.

Then I thought about one of the things that was making it hard: I was comparing myself to my other classmates.   In my spring & summer Spanish classes I was at the top of my class and other students would ask me to study with them to help them out.   I loved helping others!   I loved being one of the best.   And now I've lost that.  And so it's not just about learning a new language being difficult, it's sad to no longer be the student who can help others.  Maybe I was getting a little bit of my identity out of being one of the "good students".  Oops!  I know that sounds so selfish and immature, but it honestly hurt.   I feel less than my classmates.   I feel less than my Spanish-speaking friends who speak English to me instead of Spanish.

Yet through this, I'm learning some tough lessons that can actually be applied to every area of life.   So I'm going to share these lessons - just in case anyone else needs some encouraging as well.

1. Comparing yourself to others isn't smart.
2. Growth and learning of any kind takes hard work and commitment - it does NOT come naturally.
3. Comparing yourself to those who do better than you is discouraging.   The only person you can compare yourself with is who you were a couple weeks ago.  Ask yourself the question:  "Have I grown in the last few weeks?"
4. Get over your pride and don't be afraid to ask others for help.
5. Learning anything takes diligence and consistency.   You can't just go over something once or twice a week.  You have to be in it daily if you're serious about learning.

Too Busy for People???

This morning as I left my apartment for my morning walk I noticed something interesting.  A man drove by in a SUV with a little kid in the vehicle beside him.  Another vehicle passed along side him on the other side of the road, and both vehicles slowed down.  The woman in the other vehicle rolled down her window and handed the man in the SUV a piece of paper.  And they both drove on.  It all happened so fast it didn't look like either vehicle had even come to a complete stop.  The two didn't even speak to each other - no smiles either.  Just a transaction, an errand to be accomplished, and back off to their own lives, to go their separate ways.

I couldn't help but wonder what story was behind this interaction.  Was the woman the man's x-wife giving him a paper their child needed for school?  Could she be the mother of his child but not the love of his life?  Or maybe their happily married and were just in a hurry that morning.  But if that was the case, then why not even a smile?  And why not even a word?  There's no way of knowing, but I couldn't help but wonder.

As I pondered this, I couldn't help but wonder how many of us do the same thing in our interaction with one another.  We say, "Hello, how are you?" and get the almost programmed, automatic response, "I'm fine".  We move on to our duties never knowing what is really going on inside the heart of another soul.  So focused on our goals in life, how often do we see others only in terms of how they fit in with our needs and our agendas?  I know I struggle with this.  How often do we take the time to really listen?  We talk to one another but do we really hear what the other person is saying?  Do we read beyond the words and look deep into the heart of the other, ask questions, and seek to understand what a loved one is going through?  Have we made relationships a priority in our lives or are we too caught up in the fast pace of society and in accomplishing the next thing on our to-do list?

As I write this I can't help but think of my own life, and how I interact with those I'm the closest to.  How often when my mom calls me at a really inconvenient time, (with a 3 hour time difference it's hard to connect at times), do I think "It's just my mom I can call her some other time"?  Or do I take time to communicate I love her and will call her as soon as I can?  Am I too afraid to be vulnerable by saying the words, "I appreciate you", "I miss you", and "I'm sorry" to someone I love?  When I go to church do I put on my "I'm-happy-everything-is-ok-face?  Or am I real with people?  Am I sharing the burdens on my heart and asking for prayer?  Or am I too proud?  When one of the ladies I'm studying the Bible with needs more time to talk, and tears run down her cheeks, do I put down my Bible, and take my eye off the clock and be all there for her?  Or am I too hurried thinking about my next appointment?  Do I weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice, or am I too wrapped up in my own feelings and emotions?

What about you?  Are you rushing by someone who needs your love, care, and attention?

As another beautiful day starts, I'm reminded that the only "things" from this earth that will last through eternity, (aside from a godly character), are the relationships that we have made with one another.  Paul says that we shall be known "even as also I am known."  (1 Corinthians 13:12).

The heart of God yearns to be close to each of us - to be with us throughout all eternity.  He will joy over us with singing.  He says, "They shall be mine....in that day when I make up my jewels."  (Malachi 3:17).  Are we preparing for that day?  Are we taking time to grow in our relationship with Jesus?  Do we treat others with the love that Christ has shown us?  Will you take time to show love to others today?

"Dear Heavenly Father, Please teach me to love like Jesus!  Amen!"

In Awe of God

I just came from the presence of the Lord.  I was compelled to speak boldly with conviction, and then I was silenced.  Let me explain....

It has been a busy week so far.  After a twelve hour day of work yesterday, I was a bit sleepy.  I had slept in this morning - which didn't give me my routine time for my 30-60 minute walk where I pour my heart out to God and pray for those souls we're seeking to reach.  I'd barely had time to have my devotions.

Then later I find out it was our Bible study contacts birthday and ran to buy her a Bible she had been wanting as well as a few other things.  I briefly skimmed over my answers to the Bible study lesson before leaving to go to the study with her and tell her "Happy Birthday".

Jane* hadn't completed her lesson either.  I asked my friend from church to pray.  She prayed for me that God would give me the words and anoint me.  As she prayed I couldn't help but think, "I haven't given this study for a while, I don't know how I'm going to do this, I'm not prepared enough, and I'm not feeling 100%, I'm a little wore out."  But once I began to lead out in the lesson study all such thoughts were put out of my mind.

I begin to share how sin entered the world.  Thoughts and illustrations came to my mind as we continued our study.  Thought of the beautiful loving character of God....How he created us for the purpose of walking before Him in love and how sin defeats this purpose....How sin results from distrusting God's character.  "It's all about God.  It's not about us being a good person", I say.  As I continue I realize how pertinent this Bible study is - for the truth of our sinfulness and need of a Savior is a foreign concept to secular society.  The world says, "Trust your heart", the Bible says "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked."  As I continued, I could see the wheels turning in Jane's eyes.  "You mean we're born sinners?"  She asks.  This was a new concept for her.  Then I show her from the Bible how we are sinners - in fact we're all born sinners.

After sharing that we can't even trust our heart, she asks, "What do we do then?"  My heart is convicted of the seriousness of this question, and I'm grateful to see her asking the most essential question ever!  My mind goes to the story of Nicodemus where Jesus showed Him how he must be born again.  I continue to pray for the Holy Spirit as I turn to share that story with her.

She has to use the restroom part way through our Bible study, and I bow my head and pray for the Holy Spirit to continue to work on her heart, and to give me the words to of say.

I can't wait to show her the promise in Ezekiel 36 that says, "Then I will sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean....A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh."  (Ezekiel 36:25-26).  "Is that like baptism?" she asks.  I explain to her in utmost brevity how baptism is a symbol of a change of heart that God has already worked by giving us His spirit.  Conviction and boldness deepening in my own heart, I feel impressed to read Ezekiel chapter 37 which talks about God sending His spirit upon the dry bones.  "You see the change God does for us is just as dramatic as bones becoming living people!  We don't have anything in ourselves to commend ourselves to God!  We are totally dependent upon Him for everything!  When we accept Christ into our lives He makes a complete transformation.  The drunk man becomes sober.  The fearful timid woman becomes confident and bold."

Tears flood down her cheeks.  "These are tears of joy", Jane says.  "I've learned more in the short time we've been studying together since I've met you ladies than I have in my entire life."

We continue by reading in Revelation 3 which speaks of our condition - that we are blind and miserable and poor and naked - we see our need of Jesus, and how Jesus is knocking on the door of our hearts.  Bible verses flood into my mind and I share them.  I can't help but tell about the young man who came to Jesus wanting to be saved, and saying he had kept the commandments from his youth, and yet he wasn't willing to give all to Jesus.  I close with an appeal.  "Do you want to give all to Jesus?"  She says yes and repeats a prayer after me accepting Jesus into her heart - on her 60th birthday.

After leaving Jane's house, and getting into the car with my friend from church, she says to me, "This Bible study was different."  "How was it different?"  I ask.  "You spoke with more boldness and conviction", she told me.  "It was God!" I reply.  "Thank you for praying for me", I replied.

I couldn't say any more.  It is amazing that God can use a sinner to reach out to another sinner, and connect a soul to the Savior!  More than ever before in my life I felt humbled.  Humbled because I had not prepared any words.  Humbled because I'm no better than her.  Humbled because God had just given me the Words.  Humbled because God's Holy Spirit had been working on my heart, giving me Bible promises and words to share, and the conviction to speak with more boldness than I normally do.  And He had touched Jane's heart - to the point of tears. 

No feelings of a desire to be some great Bible teacher, or pastor or evangelist now could find any room in my heart, instead the song on my heart was, "Hide Me Now Under the Shadow of Your Wings."  I wanted to run and hide and pray.  To worship God in His majesty.  I felt like Isaiah when he exclaimed, "Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts."  (Isaiah 6:5).  I felt the need of a deeper walk with God, in case He might see fit to use me again someday.  I felt a deep conviction of the seriousness of the work God has committed to me to win souls to the kingdom.

God still works miracles today.  The greatest miracle is a changed heart.  He uses us in spite of our unworthiness.  He sends out His Holy Spirit to convict souls of their need to come to Him.  The question is, are we available to be used by Him?  Can we sing with all sincerity of heart "Nothing between my soul and my Savior"?  What is between you and your Savior, my friend?  Have you given Him your all?  If not, why not try doing so right now?