Living His Plan

“Alone, alone...I just want to be alone right now!  I don’t feel like being with people”, she said to herself, as she exited the Sanctuary after church.  The mother’s room seemed liked the perfect escape route. Inside the mother’s room she found another door, opening it she found a good size closet, which seemed to welcome her inside.  Upon entering the closet, she buried her face in her lap, and burst into tears.  Frustrations.  Fears.  And yet a little excitement.  Anticipation.  Fatigue.  Hurt.  And deep down inside disappointment.  “It hurts!  I can’t let it go!”  She cried.  “God I don’t want what you have for my life!”  She prayed, as the tears streamed down her face onto her dress.  “Dear God, I really do want to be close to you, but I just don’t want what you have for my life.”  In the silence, His still small voice answered.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had heard His voice so clearly, but this time it was unmistakable.  “But you don’t even know what I’m offering you!”  He said. 

The words struck a chord deep down inside her heart and soul, for she’d heard them before – in fact, she’d spoken them before.  Those long days of knocking doors a couple summers ago, selling books as a literature evangelist – the experience that had lead her on the journey that she would never have picked for herself.  There had been those doors she’d knock where the person would interrupt her mid-sentence and say, “I’m not interested.”  As she walked away from the house she would think to herself, “They didn’t’ even give me a chance!  They don’t know what they’re not interested in!  They don’t’ know what I’m offering.” 

At those words, and the recollection of all they had met to her, the girl suddenly stopped crying, “How could she reject her Lord and Savior?”  So, on she would go.  To another adventure.  On to continue living the same life, and yet in a different way, in a different place.  The hurt was still there.  She will never understand why.  She will never feel totally adequate.  She will ever wonder at God’s leading.  And yet, this is the life she must live at this present time.  For she’s trying – even when it’s difficult – to live His plan.