Life

The sheet of paper is blank, and so is my life.  A page waiting to be filled, a story waiting to be written, where will I go, what will the story look like?  A new life was born today my sweet little cousin, Emily.  A life begins, someone else’s life ends.  “Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow.  For what is your life?  It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” - James 4:14.  The wise man said it well when he penned the words: “Vanity, vanity, saith the preacher, all is vanity.” - Ecclesiastes 12:8

Why am I awake?  I should be sleeping soundly in preparation for tomorrow…a day of school, and work: classes, homework, canvassing, exercise…the normal life, not busy enough for my liking, nothing overly exciting, and yet not all predictable, nor all known successes.

My mind whirls, looks ahead at my life…the possible options ahead.  The realization strikes me, I really need Jesus!  The urge to be in control leaves me feeling frustrated, with the realization that I can’t control my life!

Who are the friends who I can pour my heart out to?  What is going to keep me busy this semester?  What are the jobs God has for me?  What am I going to do with my time?  Who are the people that God wants me to reach out to on this campus?  Wait, Am I trying to find my fulfillment in people?  In my accomplishments or successes? Am I looking for security in a well laid predictable plan for my life?

As I look into the future, I can’t see myself doing ultimately what my dream is for my life any time soon…it would take a miracle, it would have to be something that God worked out for me.  So I ask myself, do I lack faith?  Am I just not seeing how God is preparing me for the future, and how He is leading me right now?  Or is it just not close at all to the time for those dreams to blossom?  And are they really God’s dreams for me or just my own?

I see a common thread in my contemplation this evening, it’s all about me.  What can I do to fill my time, what can I do to help other people, what would make me happy, what do I want for my future? 

But I don’t like the self who I am…I see my flaws, I see how self-centered, and self-reliant I have been.  I don’t want to be this way, I pray!  The beauty of it is that Jesus does not see me for who I am, He sees me for who I can become.  In light of my current thoughts, the responsibility I have to bear as His child, the work of being His ambassador to the world, it seems to good to be true that God would trust me with that!  God does not compare me to my classmates, my best friends, or to my parents.  He looks at me as an individual. He has a path for my feet.  I am thankful for the beautiful promise that God is there for me whenever I call Him, where ever I am!  "Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and He shall say, Here I am." - Isaiah 58:9, and "There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life:"  "Have not I commanded thee be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." - Joshua 1:5, 9

A definition of life floods into my mind…"And this is life eternal that they may know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent.” - John 17:3  “I am come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly." - John 10:10.  I like those definitions of life!  God’s Word is my comfort, knowing God is true life, and peace – heaven can begin here on this earth, right where I am at, even when I don’t know the future!  I can trust the One Who came to give me life more abundantly!

"Thank you God that You are the source of true life!  Thank You that You have a plan for my life!  May I be in tune with You that I may know where You are leading me, and most importantly, transform my selfish heart into Your likeness, and make me the person you want me to be!  Amen."  

Knit Together

Some things take time to build....they don't just develop overnight.  Building a house for example takes time, but building anything of substantial value takes time.

Over Thanksgiving break I picked up a new "hobby", not knitting, but crocheting.  I really love it!  I decided to make scarves for my family and a best friend to give them as Christmas gifts.  As I kept crocheting, and began getting faster at it, the list of people I wanted to make scarves for grew and grew!  I also decided to do some experimenting by taking two different colors of yarn and putting them together in the same scarf, the result was beautiful!  As I thought of the time I have spent crocheting over breaks, spare minutes, and even during finals weeks, I thought of how well it really illustrates friendship.

What is it that makes you feel close to someone, maybe even the first time you meet them?  You have a mutual understanding and connection somehow?  What makes you do something kind for someone else?  What makes you think of them, instead of yourself?  What makes you send a text message to a friend?  What makes you send a letter to a friend?  What makes you say I love you?  How did you get close enough to them to even call them your friend?

It's something that makes you feel close together even when you are miles apart...it's the commitment to keep in touch - even if it's not convenient....it's that feeling that you have a lot in common with someone even when you just meant them, because your love is founded in the same place - Jesus Christ.  Something deeper than a feeling, something deeper than what you enjoy....a principle....a decision....a lifestyle.....It's living by Jesus' commandment.  It's adding to your faith, "virtue, and to virtue knowledge; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity."  (2 Peter 1:6-7)

As I was going over 1 Corinthians 13, I was impressed by something in the first verse.  "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal."  (Verse 1)  Being a musician, I have often wondered the significance of this illustration.  What is it about Charity, that, without it, all the lovely words I could say are just like a tinkling cymbal?  It finally hit me...there is not flow, no rhythm, nothing to hold the piece together and make it musical.  That's what love is - it holds things together, it makes a beautiful melody.
Love, brotherly kindness, it's all apart of the knitting together process...it's the bond of Christian, it's the glue that holds us together, the blessed tie that binds.

"For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ....That He would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; 

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; 

that ye, being rooted and grounded in love may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, 

which passeth knowledge...."

-Ephesians 3:14, 16-19

"By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, 

if ye have love one to another."  

-John 13:35

Lead Me

I was on my way back to the dorm from vising a dear friend who was staying an hour and a half away from Southern.  I stopped at a gas station to get gas, and decided to get a snack.  It had been over 6 hours since lunch, and it was a long trip back, so, no big deal....

As I opened my eyes from praying that God would bless the "food", and give me a safe trip back, I couldn't help but wonder, "Can God really bless what I'm eating?"  Junk food?  Needless to say, I didn't fully enjoy the snack.  The Pringles were way too salty, so I didn't eat too many, I decided that the granola nut bar had too much sugar, so I didn't eat it.  All that left was trail mix, I'm so glad I decided to get that!

As I thought about it, I couldn't help but wonder, how often do I do the same thing in my life?  I make my own plans, my own choices, and then ask God to bless them, instead of letting Him guide me fully in all my decisions!  Do my prayers take on this type of format? "Dear God, please bless my plans to the usefulness of my life of service to You, be with me and keep me safe in the journey of life. Amen."  How often do I have my "meal" all planned?  I know what type of mission or ministry I want to work in, what type of person I would like to marry, etc., etc.  But without following God's plans for me, the end results of my own decisions will ultimately just leave a bad taste in my mouth!

With all the promises of God's Word, it shouldn't be hard to truly trust Him to fully lead in my life!

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.' "  

-Jeremiah 29:11

"I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye."  

-Psalm 32:8

And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying This is the way, walk ye in it,when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left."  

-Isaiah 30:21

"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in Thy presence is fulness of joy; at Thy right hand there are pleasures for ever more."  

-Psalm 16:11

May my prayer ever be: "Lead me in Thy truth, and teach me: for Thou art the God of my salvation; on Thee do I wait all the day"!  

-Psalm 25:5

Radical Protection

As I walked out of the Primary Sabbath School class room that we had been sleeping in, I felt impressed that I should read my Bible before I left for the trip back to Tennessee.  I shrugged it off, thinking “I don’t have time.”  Again, I felt impressed I really needed to read my Bible.  I decided I would listen to the Bible being read while I was on the road.

An hour or so later found me driving and listening to the beautiful Psalms and meditating upon God’s Word as well as a Biblical principle that I hope to write about later.  After eating some finger food for breakfast, I decided to listen to some music.  For some reason I felt drawn to an album of scripture songs entitled “Radical Protection”.  The verses included “The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear Him and delivereth them.”  “God is our refuge and strength a very present help in trouble”.  “Fear not for I am with thee be not dismayed for I am thy God I will strengthen thee Yes I will help thee, I will uphold thee with my righteous right hand.”  Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee because he trusteth iin thee.  Trust in the Lord forever for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength.”  I didn’t realize the significance of those verses at the moment but I soon would.

The trip had went uneventfully, and I was making really good time, not a lot of traffic.  I had been on the Interstate for maybe about an hour at the most, when I drove off an overpass, hit black ice, and lost control of my car.  It all happened so fast!  Before I knew what was happening to me, I was facing the guard rail separating the lane I was in from the left lanes and oncoming traffic.  “God help me!”  I prayed, as I thought “This is it!  I’m going to be in a terrible accident!"  But my car swung over to the opposite side, almost off the road, but them back to the other side, until it landed perpendicular to the road, hitting the guard rail.  I have never been so thankful to crash!  It meant stopping from fishtailing back and forth!  It meant the end – but a good end, I had not hit anyone, and I was alive and completely unharmed!

As I reflect on this experience, I can see now why God wanted me to be in His Word especially this morning, and why He lead me to listen to the scripture songs about the angel of the Lord delivering them that fear Him.  December 31^st 2013 could have been the end for me!  But I am so thankful that God is not finished with me yet!

As I go into the new year – 2014 – I am reminded that there is an enemy who would like nothing less than to destroy God’s remnant people seeking to serve Him with their whole heart!  I feel the need for God’s protection and guidance more than ever before.  The question that I am left to ponder, is how faithful am I being?  Am I listening to the nudge of the Holy Spirit and taking that time to spend in God’s Word and in prayer?  If my end was near would I be ready?  Would the example I left behind for others be one that I would not be ashamed of?

May God surround each one of us with His radical protection – both spiritual and physical – throughout this new year! 

Spreading Christmas Cheer

Christmas break…the perfect time to be out spreading Christmas cheer through canvassing the most valuable message books!  This Christmas break I spent canvassing near Pine Bluff Arkansas.  It was the best thing I could have ever done!  Here are just a few of my favorite experiences from the past three days, enjoy!

Sunday, my first day canvassing, I was a little surprised to be dropped off at a mall in down town Little Rock (among sky scrapers) to start the day off!  I was not scared, though a little unsure of myself, but up for a new experience and perhaps a challenge.  The first lady I spoke to me told me that Dillard's policy was no soliciting. I graciously thanked her and went to the rest of the mall. It was somewhat uneventful until I found myself back in Dillard's - a different floor. I figured since I was on a different floor - no worries about being kicked out.  I saw a cashier who didn't look busy at all.  I went and greeted her and started talking with her and canvassing her on the books.  She told me that she was looking for a church.  As I canvassed her, I felt impressed to pray that money wouldn't be an issue for her, and so I silently prayed as I canvassed her.  She was interested in the Desire of Ages and went to look in her wallet.  She came back with $10.  "I was sure I only had $5" she said, "but I found another $5 bill rolled up in my wallet."  She signed up for correspondence Bible studies as I left.  I like to think that God put the other $5 bill in her purse, although I have no way of knowing.

My next place to work was an apartment building - twelve stories high!  The door was locked, but I didn't have much time to wonder how I was going to get in as a lady sitting in the lobby came and let me in.  "Thank you!" I said.  "You are welcome, it doesn't hurt to do a kind deed in a day!" She replied.  I canvassed her, as I began she said, "I read the Bible every day, that is the only thing that enables me to live in this world the way it is today!"  I told her about the Great Controversy and highly recommended it, so we went up to her apartment room where she bought the book.  What perfect timing God has!

As I walked down the street, nearing an old white house that looked abandoned, I saw a pick up truck pull into the drive was and drive back past where I could see. I'm going to go and talk to whoever is back there, I decided as I continued to walk.  When I got back I found that it was three Hispanic guys. They lived in a dumpy trailer house, the yard scattered with empty beer bottles and cans.  I started talking to the one man, but he couldn't understand English; his friend could though.  I told him that I could get Peace Above the Storm in Spanish. "How soon?"  he asked me.  I could get it right now, I replied.  He started talking to his friend in Spanish as he continued flipping through the book for what seemed like a long time, since I couldn't tell what he was saying.  "I'll take two of them" he finally told me.  I called my leader over the radio and the man bought two books for $20!  Another experience with the perfect timing!  I want to learn Spanish, but I'm thankful that my lack thereof didn't keep me from selling not one, but two books to them!  I hope that they will read them and find true peace!

Before I knew it, it was Christmas Eve.  I wondered what it would be like canvassing on that day.  In the small town we went to, there was a church that had a Christmas Eve service at 6 pm.  It was 5 pm, and I was dropped off on a street.  The first lady I talked to bought a Peace Above the Storm. At the next door a lady bought a Lessons of Love.  In a 20 or 30 minutes, 4 books went out on that street!

Another favorite experience was when I canvassed a younger man on the Desire of Ages (among other books).  It has a picture of Jesus on the front.  When I closed him he said "I'll take this one, (the Desire of Ages) I need Jesus".  How beautiful when people see their true need - Jesus - the only one who can satisfy!

I love Christmas lights, I love Christmas, I love the beauty of the season.  I had just been dropped offed at a trailer home that had a fence around it.  It was covered in beautiful Christmas lights, even the fence and gate was beautifully colored with lights.  "Whoever lives in that house must be cheerful," my canvassing leader remarked.  I was surprised by who I saw come out of the door.  He was an older man with some tattoos, a big mustache and beard.  I could tell he had a kind heart, as I closed him on the books he said, "I don’t have any money, I am a contractor, and there is no work this time of the year.  I don’t even have enough money to buy a Christmas gift for my mother."  He hung his head, "Let's not go there."  All of a sudden an idea came to my mind!  "Does your mom read?"  I asked him.  "Yes, she reads the Bible" he answered.  I pulled out Peace Above the Storm and handed it to him.  "Here, give this to your mom for Christmas, it has large print, and it is a beautiful book, I'm sure she will enjoy it!"  It looked like a tear was  coming into his eyes as I left, all he could say was "Oh, thank you!"

Our van totaled 62 books that day, God blessed me with 13 books.  Some were sold for full price, some for less, a few were given away.  There was the lady on oxygen who bought a Peace Above the Storm, the man in the gas station who bought a Great Controversy, the waitress in a Café who bought a My Friend Jesus for her little son and daughter, and many other I can't remember the details to.  But by far my favorite experience was this one.   Being able to warm the heart of someone who otherwise, was somewhat discouraged in the holiday season!  Bring cheer to someone who looked cheery from the outside Christmas lights, that cheered me!  It truly is more blessed to give then to receive!

Broken Hearts

How do you define heart break?  A dictionary definition defines it as "Devastating sorrow and despair!"  Pain is something I don't like, the idea of being broken just doesn't sound comfortable.  I want to be competent, successful, happy, you feel in the blank, ANYTHING but hurt, broken, empty....

I recently found these paragraphs regarding a broken heart:

"Jesus gazes upon the scene, and the vast multitude hush their shouts, spellbound by the sudden vision of beauty. All eyes turn upon the Saviour, expecting to see in His countenance the admiration they themselves feel. But instead of this they behold a cloud of sorrow. They are surprised and disappointed to see His eyes fill with tears, and His body rock to and fro like a tree before the tempest, while a wail of anguish bursts from His quivering lips, as if from the depths of a broken heart. What a sight was this for angels to behold! their loved Commander in an agony of tears! What a sight was this for the glad throng that with shouts of triumph and the waving of palm branches were escorting Him to the glorious city, where they fondly hoped He was about to reign! Jesus had wept at the grave of Lazarus, but it was in a godlike grief in sympathy with human woe. But this sudden sorrow was like a note of wailing in a grand triumphal chorus. In the midst of a scene of rejoicing, where all were paying Him homage, Israel’s King was in tears; not silent tears of gladness, but tears and groans of insuppressible agony. The multitude were struck with a sudden gloom. Their acclamations were silenced. Many wept in sympathy with a grief they could not comprehend." DA 575.3

"The tears of Jesus were not in anticipation of His own suffering. Just before Him was Gethsemane, where soon the horror of a great darkness would overshadow Him. The sheepgate also was in sight, through which for centuries the beasts for sacrificial offerings had been led. This gate was soon to open for Him, the great Antitype, toward whose sacrifice for the sins of the world all these offerings had pointed. Near by was Calvary, the scene of His approaching agony. Yet it was not because of these reminders of His cruel death that the Redeemer wept and groaned in anguish of spirit. His was no selfish sorrow. The thought of His own agony did not intimidate that noble, self-sacrificing soul. It was the sight of Jerusalem that pierced the heart of Jesus—Jerusalem that had rejected the Son of God and scorned His love, that refused to be convinced by His mighty miracles, and was about to take His life. He saw what she was in her guilt of rejecting her Redeemer, and what she might have been had she accepted Him who alone could heal her wound. He had come to save her; how could He give her up?" DA 576.1

What really struck me as I read this is that Jesus' tears were NOT in anticipation of His own suffering, not for the separation from is Father or for the cruel death He was about to endure!  Just let that sink in...I had to!  What unselfishness!  What love!  For all the times I've been afraid of being hurt, afraid of pain, for all the times I've complained to God and said "I can't take this", and yet look at the example He has set for me!

What breaks my heart?  What do I weep over?  Where are my affections?  How often am I upset over selfish reason?  I find myself so self-centered and focused on what pleases me.  What about the souls whom Christ died for?  What about those who have never heard the name Jesus before?  What about the children starving in other countries, while I have more than enough?  Should not my heart ache for those souls?  Should not my heart throb in unison with my Savior who desires that none should perish, but that all should come to repentance?

My mind goes back several weeks ago, as I was sitting in class.  We had a guest speaker speaking, his topic was world religions.  I set enthrolled, learning of religions I knew little about.  As I heard about those who believe that life=suffering, that we are reincarnated, and the whole purpose of life is to never live again, but to die and be at peace, my heart felt something I have never felt to that extent before!  An aching for those who know nothing of Jesus' love, a burden for the unreached.  I started crying and couldn't stop till I was alone in prayer after class.  I wish I could say that has been the only thing I have cried over this semester!  I wish I could say this was more common, but sadly it isn't.

How often does loneliness, separation, or broken hopes, make us feel broken-hearted?  And yet, Jesus was willing to go through separation, the cruelest death ever, but what broke his heart was the thought that maybe His sacrifice would not be accepted and would not break my stubborn heart!  The chosen nation He had poured so much into was rejecting Him, His CLOSEST friends, betrayed Him, but HE DIDN'T give up.  He knew not if His hope that souls would be eternally saved, would come to pass, He couldn't see past the tomb.  FOREVER separtated from the love of His Heavenly Father, from the place where He was loved appreciated, accepted, worshiped, adored.  AND YET, He was willing to take the risk, for me....for you!  Even though He didn't KNOW we would accept!  What love is this!

What a rebuke to me when I wonder why I invest in friendships, why I need to live in vulnerability, why I need to be a part of community, why I need to love with no ulterior motives.  My heart is so proud!  How hard-hearted I am!

I found these definitions to the word "broken" particularly interesting: "Reduced to fragments, not functioning properly."  Ironically, that is just what God desires of us - that we be reduced to fragments, that self would not be seen but that only Christ's Character can show through!  We can never function properly alone, as hard as it may be for proud human being to admit!  Without Christ, we are broken fragments! Our heart is aching to be filled with a love that only Someone Who's heart has already been broken for ours, can truly satisfy! 

"God...will respect the broken heart, the confession of sins, the contrition of the soul.  The cry of the humble, broken heart He will not despise."

Heavenly Father, give me a TRULY broken heart for You, I pray!

I love how God ties everything together, and gives us just the message we need to here when we need to hear it!  I had that twice today!  Once in morning prayer group, and once in worship this evening.  Even sang the same song (with a different group of people)!  When I hear something once that I know is from God, I go "Yes, that is good!  Thank you Lord!"  But I guess some of us need to hear things twice to really get the message and take it to heart! So when I hear the same thing twice I think, "Wow!  I need to really DO something about that!" All of the sudden the things I am holding on to pale in comparison to the message of peace God is offering me!

The topic was about how God gives us peace and He doesn't want us to be anxious.  To know God is to know peace, no God=no peace.  God truly wants me to trust him-in fact, He is willing to help me trust Him - to teach me how to trust!  If He cares for the birds, the grass and the flowers, I know he cares for every little thing that concerns me!  What a wonderful Heavenly Father I have!  What helped me is to fill in the blank, I may not be worrying about food or clothes, but to put my own worries, my own perplexities into it made it more personal.  And then to think that those are all the things that the Gentiles seek after!  Mercy!  Where is my heart? Why do I worry about the things I do?  What keeps me from trusting God more fully?

Could it be that I want to be in control?  I want to be the one to know what my future is going to hold, what decisions to make next, etc., etc.  The verse "seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you" took on new meaning to me.  Am I seeking God and His kingdom first, or am I seeking to satisfy myself?

May we each truly seek God and follow the true peace-Giver!