Blessings

"Church pot lucks are risky for people who have food intolerances", I thought to myself as I sat on the sofa trying to endure the stabbing pain in my stomach.  This was the first time I had experienced any such pain in a while.  The only things I've dealt with are missing my family at times, or missing my best friends.  I couldn't help but think back to the year when feeling sick was more normal for me than feeling well.  That was back when having a job outside of the home was impossible for me, and going to college wasn't an option because of my health challenges.  My streamlined plan of leaving home and following my dream of starting and finishing college in a timely fashion was overruled.  That was also before I met some of the friends who have come to mean the world to me, and before I ever dreamed I would be doing Bible work.

The words of a song floated through my mind...  "What if your blessings come through raindrops what if your healing comes through pain, what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're there."  (Laura Story)

I remember those sleepless nights all too well...when I would vomit up to twenty times in a night and get nearly no sleep.  And the tears I shed when I had to lay down on the couch and rest, with a lack of appetite and a lack of energy.  I hated not being able to be busy and accomplish a lot of things!  But I learned the importance of being still and knowing God - there was nothing else I could do.

For me, those years were more than just a time of sickness where we tried to figure out what was wrong with me.  They were a time to seek God's will for my life.  That summer I had my last violin lesson with the teacher who had taught me for over eight years.  After playing a Mozart violin concerto, my teacher said to me, "That was beautiful.  God has blessed you for the amount of time you practice because you make God and family a priority.  You could go where ever you want with music, you could be a concert violinist, a violin teacher, or anything you want to be."  I was thankful for her kind words, but even as I listened, I knew deep down inside my heart that God was not calling me to a career in music.

I believe God allows us go through things to show us the weakness of our own heart.  Until having health challenges, I never realized how much I took God's blessings for granted.  God was teaching me the importance of surrender, and how to trust Him completely with my life.  He gave me Bible verses that said:  "Wilt thou not from this time cry unto me, My Father, thou art the guide of my youth?"  (Jeremiah 3:4, KJV).  "Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth."  (Jeremiah 33:6, KJV).  "For I know the thoughts that think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."  (Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV).

After a lot of prayer and doctor's appointments, my health started getting a little better.  I decided to go to college, and at the time, God was leading me to study elementary education.  The climax of the experience of the whole experience, was when I finished that first semester of college.  I returned home sicker than before I had left.  Even my Dad - who is a very calm man and doesn't make a big deal out of things - put his foot down and said I was not going back to school the next semester.  Even though I wanted to make my own decision to go back to college, I knew my Dad loved me and knew what was best.  The experience lead to me my Heavenly Father.  "What is your purpose for my life in this?" I prayed, "What do I have to live for?  I thought I was following your leading, I thought I was doing everything right.  Here I've sacrificed my dreams to follow You, and this is what I get."  

Up until this point, I had never realized how much I struggled with a legalistic mindset towards God and religion.  The hardest thing for me about the whole ordeal was it struck at the very core of what I thought about life and God's character.  "Why would God allow this?  I deserve to be healthy, I eat healthy, this should only happen to people who eat really unhealthy.  And don't I deserved a Christian education?"  I questioned.  But God showed me that the greatest of all education is to learn to trust Him, and follow His plan for my life.  Little by little, He was teaching me to love and value Him more than my ambitions, more than my friends, more than education, and more than my plans for my life.  I had to come to the point where I realized that I have never and will never, deserve the least of God's blessings.  I learned to lean more on His Word than anything else in this world.  I could truly say, "I hope in Your Word." (Psalm 119:114, KJV).  Since then, in Bible work I've meant people who have truly had a difficult life.  When I meet them I have greater sympathy for them, and don't look down on them because I realize that could just as easily have been me, were it not for God's grace and blessings.

Looking back, I can put some of the puzzle pieces together and see how God was leading me.  But I'm no where near the end of the journey!  At times I'm tempted to think that I've earned things rather than giving God the glory, and sometimes I still try to earn love and acceptance.  At other times I'm tempted to try to solve other people's problems, instead of realizing that God is in control.  My flesh wants to follow my own plan instead of waiting patiently on God to lead my life.  But now, when I start to complain about some little issue, I remember what God has brought me through, and I have to say, I am truly blessed.  I also genuinely love life!  Why?  Because it is a precious gift and each day is a new adventure.  "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variation or shadow of turning."  (James 1:17, NKJV)

This morning as I look out at the sunshine, I'm thankful that the stabbing pain in my stomach is now gone.  I'm thankful for health.  I'm thankful for my family and for the amazing friends God has placed in my life.  I'm thankful for life and God's many blessings.  I'm thankful that God's plans for me are good.  I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless His holy name.  Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who reeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's."  

(Psalm 103:1-5, KJV)

Outside the Gate

A few moments to sit down and write a note to someone who needs to be appreciated...Will you reach outside the gate?  The gate of "I have no time"? the gate that says, "This doesn't really matter"?

A smile, a hug, an encouraging word...that may be all it takes to cheer someone who's spirits are down....Will you reach outside the gate?

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to tell that someone is hurting.  They're dealing with something they can't trust just anyone with, but it's eating away at them, because they can't work through it alone....Will you listen?  Will you reach outside the gate?  The gate of your own group of friends?  The gate of "this is my comfort zone"?  The gate of your own school, your own home, and your own routine?

A soul who's longing to be noticed - to be viewed a way no one has ever seen them before....Will we see them as Jesus sees them?  Will we reach outside the gate?  The gate of prejudice, the gate that says, "They're weird", or "That's not politically correct, it goes against the social norm"?

Will we reach without the gate?  Will we reach out beyond ourselves to touch someone who is hurting more?  Will we go outside our camp to find those souls for whom Christ shed His blood?  Will we follow Jesus outside the gate?

"So also Jesus suffered and died outside the city gates to make His people holy by means of his own blood.  So let us go out to Him, outside the camp, and bear the disgrace He bore."

-Hebrews 13:12-13

These Moments of Ministry

The times it's raining hard, and you don't want to be driving through it, but you slowly, carefully, persevere because you have a Bible study scheduled your going to....

The faces you get to see turned from tearful, lonely, or sad, to relaxed, thankful and relieved....

The phone call you don't want to answer because it's someone hurting - a prayer request for God to work in a messy situation that only He can mend....

The times you tell your family and your best friends "I miss you, but I'm not coming to see you yet, God said 'wait', and He comes first."

The nights you are up later than you want to be, because something came up that you were not planning on doing....

The stories you get to hear that have never been told before, of the miracles God has been working in a life....

Those times you are inconvenienced, but somehow you're not being one bit impatient, and then you realize God is doing something in your life that only He could do....

The satisfaction you have when someone starts reading the Bible for themselves.  Those moments you feel helpless, like you can't keep going on, and you breathe a silent prayer, and God answers and totally takes over for you....

The fulfilment you experience when someone makes a decision to give their life to Christ, to go into the waters of baptism, to start a new life with Christ.  The joy you feel when they explain how they're excited for the new start they will now have with God....

The person who comes to church or prayer meeting because you call and encourage them almost every step of the way, telling them how they can make it and they will really enjoy it....

The hearts you get to love, the souls you feel a burden for, and the promises you find when you realize the burden is to big to bear alone...

These are the moments that make a life in ministry totally worth living!

The Gift of Life

I hadn't heard from her for a week or so. "No, I'm too busy for Bible study this week" she had told me the last time I heard from her.  For some reason, I couldn't get her off my mind, I had to go and visit her.  What was going on in her life I didn't know, but I had to push through to find out. 

I knocked at her door, she opened it wide, and let me inside.  We talked casually for a while, and then she told me what had really been going on.  Her cousin had just been killed, "He was only 21!" she exclaimed.  She followed me outside the door and told me the whole story, how he had been missing, where they found him, and that the murderer was his roommate (apparently they had been in a fight). 

I had come to another one of those moments as a Bible worker when really nothing you say matters.  I was at a loss of words.  In retrospect, the few comments I made really don't seem like they were "correct".  All I could do is point her to the source of comfort, and say how every such experience should make us long even more for Heaven.

As I drove away, I couldn't help but realize what a gift we have by just being alive!  He was too young to die!  He had his whole life ahead of him!  What if that had been one of my best friends who had just lost their life?  I'm his age and yet I'm alive....for a reason.  Life is fragile, yet how often do I take this gift for granted?  Am I spending every spare moment to speak a word of encouragement to someone who needs it?  In light of eternity are the things that I complain or stress or worry about really worth my time?  Am I showing love to those around me?  Do I value the people in my life?  Do I live life to the fullness?  When I wake up in the morning, is it with a smile on my face for another day to praise the Lord and let him lead me moment by moment?

Look Deeper

Will you look beyond what I'm saying, and take time to understand what I really mean?

Do you see through my frustrations to what is really etching at my heart?

Can you see that my questions really are a key to my heart, rather than something that I need answered?

Will you choose to look beyond the craziness of my life, and see where I'm actually going, the goals I'm pursuing, and the values I cling to when I look like I'm a mess?

Will you choose to look a little deeper?  Because I'm not ready to be perfectly honest about everything I'm holding inside.

They say I'm an extravert, but do you realize I really don't say all that is on my mind?  While I love connecting with people, sometimes I need someone to pull me out of myself.  I love meeting new people, but I value quality friendships over quantity.

You've always understood me more than I'd like to admit, but what would you say if I told you what I really want is to understand, rather than to be understood?  I want to understand you too, but I really don't know where to begin.

Can you take a moment to look beyond the facts that others see, the me that's on the surface, the person everyone knows?  Will you look a little deeper and find what I'm trying to hide, because it's deeper than what people think.

True Friendship

When you are accepted for who you are instead of being questioned “why”, or asked to explain yourself…

When you’re told, “I understand” and you know they really mean it and you don’t have to doubt….
When you’re given room to grow, but know they’re there for you when you need an encouraging word, or advice no one else can give in quite that way….


When you’re appreciated for the little things, and thanked when you don’t have to be….
When you say goodbye and your heart is still with those you’re leaving or those who are leaving you….

When someone else speaks the thoughts on your mind….You know you have somehow come across a treasure you never asked for you, you never deserved….a treasure that makes life better, but more difficult too….

It’s something to value, something I sometimes want to run from because I don’t feel good enough, yet something that touches my heart deeper than words can express....This is the treasure of true friendship. Something to value, something you never deserve.
 
Sometimes I’m tempted to run away from it, because of my independent spirit, but when I’m alone I know a part of myself is missing because life is always better when shared with true friends.

12 Reasons Why Introverts Are Amazing Friends

1.  They listen to you, and seek to understand you.

2.  They say profound things that make you think.

3.  They ask you questions that make you think even deeper.

4.  They don't push themselves on you.

5.  They call you "cheerful" or "friendly".

6.  They tease you about being an extravert.

7.  They understand your need for space, downtime, and alone time.

8.  You don't have to worry that they're upset if you don't talk to them all the time.

9.  They don't expect you to be outgoing and bouncing-off-the-walls all the time.

10.  They know their stuff - they're not just going to say something off the top of their heads.

11.  You can have deeper conversations with them.

12.  They are loyal friends.

And the list could go on...but it has to stop somewhere :)