Decisions and Knowing God's Will

Sometimes I feel like life is a mixed bag of opportunities, choices, big decisions, thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  It's somewhat like a puzzle to solve - with each life experience a piece that fits into a larger picture of God's plan for our life and the place in humanity He desires for us to fill.  Life is also like a maze we're walking through.  We could go straight north, or a little northeast, or south or southwest, or a number of other directions.  You can also imagine life to be like a race.  A race to a goal, but often times there are many different ways to reach a specific goal.  For example, someone who works as a nurse could work in many different hospitals.  Someone wanting to go into the ministry could go many different routes, they could study theology, or religion, or chaplaincy, or religious education.  And beyond that, there are other types of ministry that people are called to.  We live in a world with many options - which is great.  But how do we know which road to take?  What is it that determines the choices that we make?  How do we know what God really wants us to do?

The first question I ask myself is, "Do I really trust God?"  And, "Is my heart completely surrendered to Him?"  Maybe it sounds too simple to just pray for God's leading in your life.   To walk through the doors that He opens, or wait on Him to see when He lets doors close in your face.  But it really is that simple.  I believe we don't give God enough credit for our lives.  The failures we experience are often God's method of training us for something greater.  The opportunities we are given wouldn't have been available to us if it were not for His blessings and providence.

When I know something is in line with God's will I can pray with boldness, believing that God will answer my prayer.  A couple summers ago when I first started Bible working, I was really strongly impressed through the summer that I needed to keep doing Bible work rather than going back to school in the fall.  So I began to pray that God would open the door for me to work longer as a Bible worker.  I've actually prayed that prayer twice in the past two years since starting Bible work.  Both times I was in the dark for a while and didn't know what I should plan to do in the very near future.  Both times God answered my prayers and gave me another opportunity to work for Him - and He did so right when I was desperate and didn't have any other good options!  I didn't put out my resume looking for a Bible work job, opportunities came to me.  The one time I did send my resume and apply for a Bible worker position, it didn't work out.  Ironic, right?

For me this is a character developing journey of seeing what God really wants for me, and if I will totally stay surrendered to Him rather than pushing for my own plan.  Most of the plans I've made have fallen through.  The plans that did work out are the ones I prayed over for weeks or months until I had confirmation from God that He was leading me in that direction.

But what about the times when you really just don't know?  It's not like there's a right and wrong thing in every situation.  Often times there are several good options.  Then what?  I tend to take two different approaches, the first and main approach is to pray that God will close or open doors according to His will.  I like having lots of options to choose from, I don't like being tied down to a set plan.  And yet, I've found it amazing how much God narrows down my options for me when I pray the specific prayer that He'll open and close doors!  Sometimes I don't like God closing the doors He does!  Sometimes it feels like I'm saying goodbye to my dreams, but God's ways are always better than what we could have chosen for ourselves.  Praying for God to open and close doors and lead in my life makes it easier for me to accept "rejection" because I know God allowed it for a greater reason.  Then instead of being upset when I'm not hired for the job I thought would be perfect for me; or when the guy I loved isn't interested in me; I can believe by faith that God is leading and answering my prayers - even when my heart doesn't feel that way.

The second approach I take is choosing the option that best aligns with God's leading in my past.  In addition to this, I choose whatever option makes the most sense after counseling with others and after looking at the pros and cons of a certain decision.  There is a time for logic and decision making.

It's so easy for me to waver back and forth between the options that both look good!  And so I challenge you, if you're in the midst of making a big decision, first ask yourself the question, "Am I really surrendering this to God?"  If we know that God is leading us, why doubt?  If we know something is right and in accordance with God's will, consistently pray for it and wait to see how God will work out His plan for you!

Be Fearless!

I thought I had overcome all my fears...until recently.  I've come to see fear as an opportunity to look deeper and ask myself questions like, "Why do I worry about this?"  And, "Where is my heart?"  I wonder how many of the fears that we have are related to our past bad experiences.  We're afraid because we don't want to go through the same type of experience all over again!

I remember taking swimming lessons when I was eleven.  I loved the water and caught on pretty fast.  The pool we went to had a high diving board - probably about 10 feet above the pool - and it was a lot of fun jumping from way up there into the water.  Toward the end of the summer, I noticed people diving - not just jumping - from the high dive.  It looked so beautiful, and elegant as people soared through the sky like dolphins, and then deep down into the water below!  I had learned to dive and was pretty comfortable with it, so I wanted to try diving from the high dive, but I wasn't sure I could do it.  I finally mustered up enough courage to try.  Down into the water I went.  And I did a belly flop.  Because I had jumped or dived or whatever you want to call it, from higher in the air, when I hit the water, it hurt my stomach - it sorta stung, if I remember correctly.  As I swam to the edge of the pool, I had a decision to make.  I could either try diving from the high dive again and again until I succeeded or I could let that pain hold me back.

And such is life.  We can let our past experiences scar us, or we can try again, realizing that we all make mistakes, and not all bad experiences were our fault.

Oh, it's so much easier to be afraid!  I tend to retreat - like a wounded soldier.  After fighting for something I thought was worth while, and being rejected - losing the battle - I'm ready to retreat!  Don't say those things again - because someone else might not like it.  Don't totally be myself, because, inevitably, there's something in me people won't like.  Don't ask those questions, because someone might think you're weird, in fact, you might not even get an answer!  Don't be vulnerable.  Don't ever take risks.  And so I put on my facade.  I live in my fake - but comfortable bubble - not letting people see the real me.  But, it's not fulfilling.  Because that's not how I was created to live.

Back to the pool....With some encouragement from others, I tried again to dive off the high dive.  It only took me one or two tries before I was soaring through the sky, and deep down into the water slow, like the others I had watched.  And I wanted to do it again!  And again!  Because it was so much fun.

It takes a lot of courage to move past the past.  It takes a whole lot of faith to believe that someone else won't react in the same way....To believe that somebody different could love an aspect of you that really bothered someone else.  But I think it's worth it.  Life is so much more fulfilling when we live in "the real".  Even when we live "on the edge".  Pushing the limits, questioning the status quo, and risking the chance of being disappointed.  Being kind even when it's not appreciated.  Being honest even when it's not what people want to hear.  That's where I'm really supposed to be.  I think that's where we're all supposed to live, because you never experience growth if you let your fear push you back to where you're comfortable!

Lest it sounds like I'm advocating something a little crazy, let me clarify, don't be fearless just for yourself.  Be fearless for God.  He made you the way you are for a very specific reason.  And He loves you more than anyone else ever can.  He even loves that thing about you that turns off someone else.  And remember, no one else can live the life you've been called to live!  You have a unique calling that only you can fulfil!  Embrace it.  Live past your fears.

So try it.  Knock on another door of opportunity.  There's a different person behind every door.  They're all not going to respond to you in the same way!  Push through the barriers.  Give it all you've got!  Be fearless!  Soar with God!

My Yoke is Easy

A week ago Sabbath, I brought a lady to church for the first time - after only giving her one Bible study.  I've never done that before.

One of the verses we read in our Bible study together was John 15:15; "Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you."  I asked her, what type of relationship does Jesus want to have with us?  She had to read the verse again.  "Not servants...Oh, wow!  Friends!  I really like that."  All through the Bible study she kept saying things like, "Wow, this is awesome!  I'm actually starting to understand the Bible."

I learned a lot about her in that first visit.  She hasn't had an easy life!  She didn't grow up in church.  She's been reading through the Bible on her own - she started in the beginning with Genesis!  She told me she wanted to go to a church that has a good Bible study, so I had to invite her.  I felt like I needed to pray that she would actually come to church.  So I did.  When I called her the next morning to make sure she was expecting me, she still wanted to come.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  When I picked her up she told me she had been a little afraid to come with me, but she figured that that was just Satan trying to discourage her.  Prayer is powerful!  I need to pray more often!  The Bible does say "pray without ceasing", doesn't it?
Next, I was hoping she would have a good experience.  It's a big church and she's a shy person - so yeah, I was a little nervous.  Reasonable, right?  At the end of the service she told me she had never been with such nice, friendly people - who smiled so much!!!!  Oh me of little faith!  And in case you've ever wondered - Yes, your smile can make a difference!

This morning on our way to church I asked her how her week was.  "It was better", she told me.  "I'm starting to worry less.  I believe Jesus is taking my load off me. The peace I have now is so wonderful!  I've never had it before!"

What a powerful testimony this dear lady had just shared with me of what Jesus can do in our lives!

Jesus says:  "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."   (Matthew 11:28-30).

Jesus says:  "The harvest truly is plenteous, but the laborers are few; Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that He will send forth laborers into his harvest."  (Matthew 9:37-38).

Share Jesus with someone today!  It can change their life!  And it might just change the direction of your life in the process!

What more can I say???

A Different Type of Marriage

“You deserve the type of guy who would be willing to drive or fly across the country to come and see you”, the lady said to me - with all good intentions.  Really?  To say the least, her words got me thinking.  I knew where she was coming from, the guy has to be the initiator, sure, I totally get that!  I mean, we live in a world where a man will let his life revolve around the love of his life, right?  And of course, you want to be with someone who really loves you and values you.  But still…“I deserve”?  Is that the right type of attitude?  Would that really set me up for a healthy relationship?  I deserve…and we start writing our list…hard working, must be someone who is really spiritual, has a sense of humor, tall and handsome, (or beautiful), someone who is totally in love with me, someone who respects me, someone who would do anything for me…and the list goes on and on.  Setting our expectation high - maybe even too high, but remember, you can’t sell yourself cheap - and possibly even setting ourselves up for some disappointments down the road.  Can our significant other really be all we want him or her to be?  Who can live up to it all?

Now imagine with me a young happy couple…That glow in each other’s eyes, the joyful conversations, the laughs, the freshness of their new relationship, the hopes, the dreams, and the joys.  Relationships, romance…something about it must hold a kind of charm.  The roses your boyfriend surprises you with, the love letters you get from your girlfriend telling you how much she appreciates you.  The date nights.  Being able to post that new status update that tells everyone in your world that you’re in a relationship.  The happy couple may even seem to have shut themselves off, to some extent, from the rest of the world.  Old friends are forgotten for a time, and life revolves around their relationship.  Theirs isn’t a story of heartbreak, they truly love each other, and besides, happy marriages are possible, believe it or not.  They both love the Lord, and each other, and so they decide to get married.  For them, happiness isn’t an illusion, it’s a reality, we could say, “They live happily ever after.”  Now, if you’re like me, you may wondering, “Well, what happens next?  What do they do with their life?”  Well, maybe then they buy a new house - her dream house.  They have the average 2.5 kids, living the American dream.  In a country where divorce is so popular, somehow this couple got really lucky!  They may argue a little now and again, but they never have any major fights.  They are happy with each other - happy in their own little world.  Together.  Family.  Live…laugh…love.  Now, if we’re honest with ourselves, isn’t this what we want?  The happiness?  Dreams come true?  True love?  A relationship that will actually work?  A relationship that will last forever?  Without the heartache, without ever wondering if you’re loved and appreciated?  Without ever questioning if you’ve married “the right” person?  Yet, I’m still left wondering, is there more to life than this?  What will happen next in their story?  When their life has come to an end, what could be said of them?  What legacy will they have left for humanity?

 

I recently started reading about two amazing people…yet, their life story is very different.  Picture a tall, intelligent, hard-working, fine young man - in the prime of manhood.  The world of opportunities is open to him - he could be anything he wants to be.  Yet his is a different calling.  His heart is pained by something deeper - a people not his own, a people in a far-off land.  He must go.... She was born into an upstanding family, she has all the world has to offer her.  Before the young man leaves, he writes the following letter to the young woman’s father:  

"I have now to ask whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world.  Whether you can consent to her departure to a heathen land, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life?  Whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death?  Can you consent to all this, for the sake of Him who left His heavenly home and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion and the glory of God?  Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with a crown of righteousness brightened by the acclamations of praise which shall resound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?"

As I read this letter, I find myself wondering if there could be more to marriage than what I have thought of.  What if marriage was about mission?  A mission to better reflect the love of Christ, because two can better be the hands and feet of Jesus than one can.  “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor”.  Ecclesiastes 4:9.  What if marriage is really about sacrifice?  What if this was the principle that marriages were formed upon?  "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord...Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."  Ephesians 5:22, 24-25.  Did Jesus ask Himself what He would get out of the deal, when He chose to give His life for us?  

When her father left the choice to Nancy Ann Hasseltine, did she weigh the costs and think of the type of life she deserved?  Did she think of what type of marriage she could have if she said "no", and waited to marry someone who didn’t have such a goal - a marriage that wouldn’t require so much of her?  I don’t know whether she asked herself these questions or not.  All I know is that the father left the choice to his daughter Ann, and she chose to marry him.  With her husband, Adoniram Judson, they became the first missionaries to Burma.  He later writes the following in a letter to Ann:

"What a great change will this year probably effect in our lives!  How very different will be our situation and employment!  If our lives are preserved and our attempt prospered, we shall next year's day be in India, and perhaps wish each other a happy new year in the uncouth dialect of Hindustan or Burma.  We shall no more see our kind friends around us, or enjoy the conveniences of civilized life, or go to the house of God with those that keep holy day; but swarthy countenances will everywhere meet our eye, the jargon of an unknown tongue will assail our ears, and we shall witness the assembling of the heathen to celebrate the worship of idol gods.  We shall be weary of the world, and wish for wings like a dove, that we may fly away and be at rest.  WE shall probably experience seasons when we shall be 'exceeding sorrowful, even unto death.  We shall see many dreary, disconsolate hours, and feel a sinking of spirits, anguish of mind, of which now we can form little conception.  O, we shall wish to lie down and die.  And that time may soon come."

That time which Adoniram spoke of came all too soon, for Ann died at the early age of thirty-seven.  Did she ever regret her choice in life?  I think not.  Would her husband’s life had been the same without her?  Would he have lived out his calling with the same passion, enthusiasm, and dedication?  Would as many people have been reached?  Maybe, but then, maybe not.  I can't help but ask myself the question, "Would I have been willing to do what Ann did?"  

Both Adoniram and his wife Ann lived an incredible life of sacrifice for God.  I think their life modeled well the Biblical standard of marriage.  I believe marriage is giving yourself to the other person.  How much are we willing to give?  I believe each one of us - whether married or single, in whatever occupation we have - needs to ask ourselves the question, what are we living for?  "For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."  1 Corinthians 6:20.  "Whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."  1 Corinthians 10:31.  What if everything in our life revolved around a purpose - a mission - God's calling for your life?  What if instead of thinking of what we deserve, or what we want in our life, we put God and His purpose in the center - with everything else revolving around that?

What do I invest my time and money into?  Is it preparing me for a life of service for my Master?  And when it comes to relationships, who stands out to me, and why?  Is it really fair of me to think of the type of man I think I deserve?  Or is it for me to be willing to sacrifice anything and everything with whoever God chooses to place in my life?  Could it be that marriage is really about coming to grasp a love that is stronger than we can ever know?  A love that held the ultimate Lover to the cross, when He could have turned away?

Sources:  http://www.sbts.edu/resources/journal-of-missions/sbjme-12-fall/the-life-and-significance-of-ann-hasseltine-judson-1789-1826/

Living His Plan

“Alone, alone...I just want to be alone right now!  I don’t feel like being with people”, she said to herself, as she exited the Sanctuary after church.  The mother’s room seemed liked the perfect escape route. Inside the mother’s room she found another door, opening it she found a good size closet, which seemed to welcome her inside.  Upon entering the closet, she buried her face in her lap, and burst into tears.  Frustrations.  Fears.  And yet a little excitement.  Anticipation.  Fatigue.  Hurt.  And deep down inside disappointment.  “It hurts!  I can’t let it go!”  She cried.  “God I don’t want what you have for my life!”  She prayed, as the tears streamed down her face onto her dress.  “Dear God, I really do want to be close to you, but I just don’t want what you have for my life.”  In the silence, His still small voice answered.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had heard His voice so clearly, but this time it was unmistakable.  “But you don’t even know what I’m offering you!”  He said. 

The words struck a chord deep down inside her heart and soul, for she’d heard them before – in fact, she’d spoken them before.  Those long days of knocking doors a couple summers ago, selling books as a literature evangelist – the experience that had lead her on the journey that she would never have picked for herself.  There had been those doors she’d knock where the person would interrupt her mid-sentence and say, “I’m not interested.”  As she walked away from the house she would think to herself, “They didn’t’ even give me a chance!  They don’t know what they’re not interested in!  They don’t’ know what I’m offering.” 

At those words, and the recollection of all they had met to her, the girl suddenly stopped crying, “How could she reject her Lord and Savior?”  So, on she would go.  To another adventure.  On to continue living the same life, and yet in a different way, in a different place.  The hurt was still there.  She will never understand why.  She will never feel totally adequate.  She will ever wonder at God’s leading.  And yet, this is the life she must live at this present time.  For she’s trying – even when it’s difficult – to live His plan.

A Love Beyond

Deeper than the deep emotion the wife and children feel for their man who’s just come back from years as a shoulder overseas...

Stronger than the passion the couple feels who are only a few weeks away from their wedding day – just a a few more days and we will be...

Beyond the warmth of an embrace when it’s been months since you’ve seen the one you love so dearly...

Beyond the feelings of heart sickness of the girl who is in love and separated by miles as she says, “I miss you so much, I just want to be together.”

More committed than the dedication of commitment the couple who have been together...

Dearer than the love a mother feels that moment she births her first born child and holds him in her arms...

The parent who’s heart goes out to the wayward child – the one who’s lost his path, who’s making grave mistakes yet won’t listen to advice...

The compassion the Doctor feels for his patient, as he says "we must do something fast or we may loose him before the night is over"...

The man who shows forgiveness to the wife who has hurt him, who leaves him, but decides to come back to him....The overwhelming gratefulness she has as she embraces the fact that he loves her anyways...

But yes, it’s deeper than that.  It's a love that has no end.

"Behold! what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us that we should be called the sons of God."  1 John 3:1.  "How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure...."  We look for this love, we see but dim reflections of such a love....

Above the frustration of an unresolved conflict, beyond the closeness of those who you hear the words, "I love you" from....Above the hurt you feel when no one understands what you are going through, a stronger voice, a more tender voice says “I love you more, I love you most.”

Beyond what we can see, beyond what we hear, beyond what we feel, beyond what is even humanly possible for our minds to comprehend or our hearts to fully believe, is a deep strong love that pleads tenderly for our recognition.

It’s ardor has never run out, it’s consistency never wanes, it’s patience goes beyond what we've seen in any human being, it suffers long though it's been rejected ….This love is the love of the Father, the love that never fails.  When we sit at the top of the mountain, when we’re at our lowest point all alone, still God’s love is there.  Who can separate us from the love of God?  Only one – the person you see in the mirror.  The love that is stronger than death.  He confines Himself to our choice, because such love in it’s very essence is the freedom to choose to accept love.  Will we choose to be loved beyond?  Will we see our Father’s love for all that it truly is?

Fearless

Whimper, whimper, whimper.  The little cries from the corner drew my attention.  Mini, the family puppy, was again afraid of something - this time it was the gentle rain.  "The rain is outside, it can't hurt the puppy - silly dog", I thought to myself.  "It's OK Mini, you're fine, I'm right here", I found myself saying in my sweetest wanna-be-a-mom type of voice. The whimpering continued... "OK, I'll let you can  come out of your cage", I said to Mini.

I'm not an expert on dogs, but Mini is the most fearful puppy I've ever known!  She's afraid of everything - rain, being walked on her leash, eating food off the floor, and at times, she's even afraid of her master!

I couldn't help but think of myself.  I haven't always been a competent girl living thousands of miles away from home, going door-to-door, giving Bible studies, living with people I've just recently met, and making friends with strangers.  I don't think I was born with the gift of being able to talk to just anyone - though others might object - it's more something I had to get used to.  So many times God has had to calm my fears and reassure me that He is right there with me leading me, and that I can go forward because He's in control.

I recently read a quote that said, "You have to want it more than you fear it."  In some ways, I feel this statement is true.  I wonder, How often are our fears a cry for more?  A cry for freedom, a cry to be able to do what we know would be fulfilling - if we could be free from the fear of failure.  A cry to experience more, a cry to be closer to someone, to pursue a dream, to work towards a goal.  To have a deeper relationship with God, to have a closer relationship with friends or family.

It's amazing to me how many times in the Bible you can find the phrase "fear not".  One of my favorite examples, is the story of Mary.  She was a godly young woman, and yet she didn't know what to think when an angel appeared before her.  Something about large, Divine, angelic beings, seems to instill fear into most finite beings.  But when the angel said "Be not afraid," Mary was ready to obey, even though her lot in life as being the mother of the Messiah was not going to be the easiest.

What about us?  How do we respond when God gives us a command and tells us not to be afraid?  Do we hold onto our selfish fears, or do we go forward?

I can't say that I'm totally fearless yet, but I've come to realize when I step outside of my comfort zone, I experience a freedom in Christ that supersedes my previous fears.  "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.  He that feareth is not made perfect in love."  1 John 4:18 .  What are you willing to do for the love of Christ?  What are you willing to do to show your love for someone?  Whatever it is - it will be worth letting go of your fears!