The Love of Easter

It was yet another day that found me analyzing my relationship with my boyfriend. My idealism, combined with my selfishness and self-centeredness, has made for quite a dynamic romantic relationship. “Sometimes the way you communicate doesn’t make me feel like you care about me”, I complained him. He listened and then replied in his soft, even-keeled tone of voice. “If I didn’t care for you, I wouldn’t still be in a relationship with you. You can be difficult sometimes”.

Yes, I can be difficult. There is my almost constant analyzing of everything in my life and in his life. His life is under scrutiny dating me. From how he could have worded things better so he wouldn’t have hurt my feelings, and how we need to learn to manage conflict. There is always something that needs improvement! The constant analyzing and scrutinizing isn’t for a weak man. And then there’s been the more hurtful things I’ve said, such as “I’m not sure yet if I will be happy married to you”. For some reason I had this idea that my future husband would somehow be “everything” to me. This illusion led me to unnecessary discontentment and disappointment in my relationship – at least at times. But somehow, I don’t think I’m completely alone here. What about the single men and women who have spent years dating various people and yet can’t seem to find someone who meets everything on their ‘list’? Could the problem be in them, rather than in the supposed fact that God hasn’t brought them ‘the one’ yet?

You see our desire to not be hurt often leads us to control others. It keeps us from loving. We are afraid of being let down…afraid of going through pain...afraid of being disappointed. So instead of letting ourselves love someone, we try to control it all. We try to control the environment or the situation. Or worse yet, we try to control the person we’re dating. This control attitude could be manifested in your work as well. Maybe you control your co-workers. Maybe you make a list of rules for how a job should be done. I know I’ve done this in my love life. I had my rules and my ideals. I assumed if everything fit my ideals, I would have the perfect relationship. I wouldn’t get my feelings hurt. I wouldn’t ever threaten to leave my husband as I’ve seen other women do. I wouldn’t fight and argue. I wouldn’t have the issues I’d seen in other marriages that I feared and didn’t want to happen to me. And while there is an element of truth in the thought that rules can protect us, maybe sometimes we skew the truth and forget what is most important. Maybe we depend too much on our rules than we do on something greater that we need to come to know.

That something is love. That something is God’s love for us. That something is the power of true love that has its source in God. Of ourselves we can never truly love. We read about this love in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, what is known as “the love chapter”. First, Paul magnifies the importance of love. He gives various examples to do this, and then gives the ultimate example by saying we can even give our bodies to be burnt and yet, that will be useless if we don’t have love. We start to realize how worthless our efforts are when true love does not attend them, and then we get a definition of love. We read that “Love suffers long” (1 Corinthians 13:4).

Why must love include suffering? First of all, we live in a sinful world. As long as we are here there will always be pain, and there will always be suffering. Sin hurts, and we ourselves are sinners. Without the transforming power of Christ living in us, we will inevitably hurt others and bring some level of suffering into their life. But I believe the phrase “love suffers long” is an illusion to something even deeper. The fact that love suffers long tells us that love is something different than we’ve ever experienced. In any potential relationship or job opportunity, we look at how it will benefit us. We weigh our options and see what will cost us the least and reward us the most. But love is completely the opposite! It goes against our selfishness. It goes against looking out for ourselves. It isn’t something we possess, because we don’t naturally care for anyone except ourselves. And so, before we are told anything else about love, we are told that love suffers long. What does that mean? Well obviously, we don’t naturally want to suffer. But how does love suffer? Paul isn’t speaking about people staying in abusive and life-threatening situations, and he isn’t suggesting that we suffer just for the sake of suffering.

I didn’t understand this until after being in a relationship. He has “suffered long” with me. I could tell him everything that frustrated me about him, but he wouldn’t leave. I could take my anger and bitterness out on him, when he had nothing to do with it at all. I would blame him, and suppose he was the problem, when many times, it was something else. One time when I was sick and vomiting he came and stayed with me, ended up taking me to the emergency room, and stayed with me all night in the hospital. He got about two hours of sleep that morning before he had to go to work. That’s a form of suffering, if you ask me, because I value my sleep. I could go without telling him,“I love you too,” and he wouldn’t let it bother him. I remember him saying, “It’s okay, I know you love me you don’t have to tell me”. And after I broke up with him at one point, he didn’t hold bitterness against me. Instead, he looked at his own character to see what he had done wrong, and how he could love me better and win my trust back. His has been a love that, “Believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

As humans, we don’t like suffering. We don’t want to hurt. We don’t like giving of ourselves if we aren’t going to get something back. But the message of 1 Corinthians 13, the message of the Gospel is that true love is willing to give of ourselves even when it inconveniences us or isn’t always appreciated or reciprocated. The message of the Gospel is that love is completely selfless. In saying that love suffers, I believe Paul is trying to get the idea in our heads that true love gives without wanting to receive anything in return. Maybe it would be nice to receive something in return, but not receiving anything in return won’t keep us from showing love. Therefore, it is willing to suffer. This same idea was expressed by Jesus when he said, “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). I believe Paul is also pointing our minds to the Person who has suffered the most for us! He is saying: “Remember how much Jesus suffered? That’s what love is! He suffered and died because he loved us. Remember Him saying, ‘Father, forgive them for they know not what they do’? Well, that is what true love is. And that is the type of love that you need to have for each other”.

This Easter weekend we are reminded of what took place at the cross. We see a love that was willing to suffer and did suffer. It shows us a Man who was willing to be spat upon, whipped, falsely accused, murdered, and rejected by his own people, because He loves so deeply and so perfectly.

Any true, genuine love is a reflection of Christ who suffered the most. It is only by looking to the cross that we can find a real tangible example of what true love is. There is no greater example of love. There is no better definition of love than the cross of Calvary. It is here that we are humbled. It is here that our selfishness and self-centeredness is exposed. It is here that the walls we put up to protect ourselves and keep others out of our lives can be broken down. It is here that we find true transformation and the power to love like Jesus. May the love of Christ touch your hearts this Easter, and may you be enabled to love others in a new, deeper, more Christlike way. Happy Easter!

It was all I could do not to burst into tears....I couldn't understand it all!  

It was Spanish class and my new teacher speaks Spanish in class a lot more than my last teacher did.  Sometimes I feel a little lost.  I miss my old Spanish teacher!   The way she explained the Spanish vocabulary and grammar made a lot more sense to me than my new teacher does!   And I miss my Spanish tutor!  It was so fun and exciting learning a new language this spring & summer semester.  But this fall is different.

Then I thought about one of the things that was making it hard: I was comparing myself to my other classmates.   In my spring & summer Spanish classes I was at the top of my class and other students would ask me to study with them to help them out.   I loved helping others!   I loved being one of the best.   And now I've lost that.  And so it's not just about learning a new language being difficult, it's sad to no longer be the student who can help others.  Maybe I was getting a little bit of my identity out of being one of the "good students".  Oops!  I know that sounds so selfish and immature, but it honestly hurt.   I feel less than my classmates.   I feel less than my Spanish-speaking friends who speak English to me instead of Spanish.

Yet through this, I'm learning some tough lessons that can actually be applied to every area of life.   So I'm going to share these lessons - just in case anyone else needs some encouraging as well.

1. Comparing yourself to others isn't smart.
2. Growth and learning of any kind takes hard work and commitment - it does NOT come naturally.
3. Comparing yourself to those who do better than you is discouraging.   The only person you can compare yourself with is who you were a couple weeks ago.  Ask yourself the question:  "Have I grown in the last few weeks?"
4. Get over your pride and don't be afraid to ask others for help.
5. Learning anything takes diligence and consistency.   You can't just go over something once or twice a week.  You have to be in it daily if you're serious about learning.

Too Busy for People???

This morning as I left my apartment for my morning walk I noticed something interesting.  A man drove by in a SUV with a little kid in the vehicle beside him.  Another vehicle passed along side him on the other side of the road, and both vehicles slowed down.  The woman in the other vehicle rolled down her window and handed the man in the SUV a piece of paper.  And they both drove on.  It all happened so fast it didn't look like either vehicle had even come to a complete stop.  The two didn't even speak to each other - no smiles either.  Just a transaction, an errand to be accomplished, and back off to their own lives, to go their separate ways.

I couldn't help but wonder what story was behind this interaction.  Was the woman the man's x-wife giving him a paper their child needed for school?  Could she be the mother of his child but not the love of his life?  Or maybe their happily married and were just in a hurry that morning.  But if that was the case, then why not even a smile?  And why not even a word?  There's no way of knowing, but I couldn't help but wonder.

As I pondered this, I couldn't help but wonder how many of us do the same thing in our interaction with one another.  We say, "Hello, how are you?" and get the almost programmed, automatic response, "I'm fine".  We move on to our duties never knowing what is really going on inside the heart of another soul.  So focused on our goals in life, how often do we see others only in terms of how they fit in with our needs and our agendas?  I know I struggle with this.  How often do we take the time to really listen?  We talk to one another but do we really hear what the other person is saying?  Do we read beyond the words and look deep into the heart of the other, ask questions, and seek to understand what a loved one is going through?  Have we made relationships a priority in our lives or are we too caught up in the fast pace of society and in accomplishing the next thing on our to-do list?

As I write this I can't help but think of my own life, and how I interact with those I'm the closest to.  How often when my mom calls me at a really inconvenient time, (with a 3 hour time difference it's hard to connect at times), do I think "It's just my mom I can call her some other time"?  Or do I take time to communicate I love her and will call her as soon as I can?  Am I too afraid to be vulnerable by saying the words, "I appreciate you", "I miss you", and "I'm sorry" to someone I love?  When I go to church do I put on my "I'm-happy-everything-is-ok-face?  Or am I real with people?  Am I sharing the burdens on my heart and asking for prayer?  Or am I too proud?  When one of the ladies I'm studying the Bible with needs more time to talk, and tears run down her cheeks, do I put down my Bible, and take my eye off the clock and be all there for her?  Or am I too hurried thinking about my next appointment?  Do I weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice, or am I too wrapped up in my own feelings and emotions?

What about you?  Are you rushing by someone who needs your love, care, and attention?

As another beautiful day starts, I'm reminded that the only "things" from this earth that will last through eternity, (aside from a godly character), are the relationships that we have made with one another.  Paul says that we shall be known "even as also I am known."  (1 Corinthians 13:12).

The heart of God yearns to be close to each of us - to be with us throughout all eternity.  He will joy over us with singing.  He says, "They shall be mine....in that day when I make up my jewels."  (Malachi 3:17).  Are we preparing for that day?  Are we taking time to grow in our relationship with Jesus?  Do we treat others with the love that Christ has shown us?  Will you take time to show love to others today?

"Dear Heavenly Father, Please teach me to love like Jesus!  Amen!"

In Awe of God

I just came from the presence of the Lord.  I was compelled to speak boldly with conviction, and then I was silenced.  Let me explain....

It has been a busy week so far.  After a twelve hour day of work yesterday, I was a bit sleepy.  I had slept in this morning - which didn't give me my routine time for my 30-60 minute walk where I pour my heart out to God and pray for those souls we're seeking to reach.  I'd barely had time to have my devotions.

Then later I find out it was our Bible study contacts birthday and ran to buy her a Bible she had been wanting as well as a few other things.  I briefly skimmed over my answers to the Bible study lesson before leaving to go to the study with her and tell her "Happy Birthday".

Jane* hadn't completed her lesson either.  I asked my friend from church to pray.  She prayed for me that God would give me the words and anoint me.  As she prayed I couldn't help but think, "I haven't given this study for a while, I don't know how I'm going to do this, I'm not prepared enough, and I'm not feeling 100%, I'm a little wore out."  But once I began to lead out in the lesson study all such thoughts were put out of my mind.

I begin to share how sin entered the world.  Thoughts and illustrations came to my mind as we continued our study.  Thought of the beautiful loving character of God....How he created us for the purpose of walking before Him in love and how sin defeats this purpose....How sin results from distrusting God's character.  "It's all about God.  It's not about us being a good person", I say.  As I continue I realize how pertinent this Bible study is - for the truth of our sinfulness and need of a Savior is a foreign concept to secular society.  The world says, "Trust your heart", the Bible says "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked."  As I continued, I could see the wheels turning in Jane's eyes.  "You mean we're born sinners?"  She asks.  This was a new concept for her.  Then I show her from the Bible how we are sinners - in fact we're all born sinners.

After sharing that we can't even trust our heart, she asks, "What do we do then?"  My heart is convicted of the seriousness of this question, and I'm grateful to see her asking the most essential question ever!  My mind goes to the story of Nicodemus where Jesus showed Him how he must be born again.  I continue to pray for the Holy Spirit as I turn to share that story with her.

She has to use the restroom part way through our Bible study, and I bow my head and pray for the Holy Spirit to continue to work on her heart, and to give me the words to of say.

I can't wait to show her the promise in Ezekiel 36 that says, "Then I will sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean....A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh."  (Ezekiel 36:25-26).  "Is that like baptism?" she asks.  I explain to her in utmost brevity how baptism is a symbol of a change of heart that God has already worked by giving us His spirit.  Conviction and boldness deepening in my own heart, I feel impressed to read Ezekiel chapter 37 which talks about God sending His spirit upon the dry bones.  "You see the change God does for us is just as dramatic as bones becoming living people!  We don't have anything in ourselves to commend ourselves to God!  We are totally dependent upon Him for everything!  When we accept Christ into our lives He makes a complete transformation.  The drunk man becomes sober.  The fearful timid woman becomes confident and bold."

Tears flood down her cheeks.  "These are tears of joy", Jane says.  "I've learned more in the short time we've been studying together since I've met you ladies than I have in my entire life."

We continue by reading in Revelation 3 which speaks of our condition - that we are blind and miserable and poor and naked - we see our need of Jesus, and how Jesus is knocking on the door of our hearts.  Bible verses flood into my mind and I share them.  I can't help but tell about the young man who came to Jesus wanting to be saved, and saying he had kept the commandments from his youth, and yet he wasn't willing to give all to Jesus.  I close with an appeal.  "Do you want to give all to Jesus?"  She says yes and repeats a prayer after me accepting Jesus into her heart - on her 60th birthday.

After leaving Jane's house, and getting into the car with my friend from church, she says to me, "This Bible study was different."  "How was it different?"  I ask.  "You spoke with more boldness and conviction", she told me.  "It was God!" I reply.  "Thank you for praying for me", I replied.

I couldn't say any more.  It is amazing that God can use a sinner to reach out to another sinner, and connect a soul to the Savior!  More than ever before in my life I felt humbled.  Humbled because I had not prepared any words.  Humbled because I'm no better than her.  Humbled because God had just given me the Words.  Humbled because God's Holy Spirit had been working on my heart, giving me Bible promises and words to share, and the conviction to speak with more boldness than I normally do.  And He had touched Jane's heart - to the point of tears. 

No feelings of a desire to be some great Bible teacher, or pastor or evangelist now could find any room in my heart, instead the song on my heart was, "Hide Me Now Under the Shadow of Your Wings."  I wanted to run and hide and pray.  To worship God in His majesty.  I felt like Isaiah when he exclaimed, "Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts."  (Isaiah 6:5).  I felt the need of a deeper walk with God, in case He might see fit to use me again someday.  I felt a deep conviction of the seriousness of the work God has committed to me to win souls to the kingdom.

God still works miracles today.  The greatest miracle is a changed heart.  He uses us in spite of our unworthiness.  He sends out His Holy Spirit to convict souls of their need to come to Him.  The question is, are we available to be used by Him?  Can we sing with all sincerity of heart "Nothing between my soul and my Savior"?  What is between you and your Savior, my friend?  Have you given Him your all?  If not, why not try doing so right now?

I get home from a long day at work.  My phone needs charged so I plug it in and then almost instinctively I turn it on...for what I'm not sure.  I'm not contacting my boyfriend because we're not boyfriend & girlfriend anymore.  I don't feel like talking to anyone, but I grab my phone anyways.  I read a few Bible promises and then open Facebook.  "There's nothing here on Facebook I even want to see!"  I say to myself.  And then it dawns on my at what I'm really doing.  I'm trying to find something to cope with the loneliness inside my heart.  I'm trying to keep myself busy to avoid the hurt and the questions.  I know I need something and I know that only God can fulfill that need, and yet I still grab my phone. I look to earthly friends to give me support when ultimately only God has the answer and only He can give peace.  I open Facebook and then remember how meaningless that is.  But the one thing that gives me hope is God and His Word.  I love the promise which says, "No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly."  (Psalm 84:11). 

I don't know why I wasn't ready to get married.  I don't know exactly why our relationship took the turn for the worst the way it did.  I don't know exactly what God's plan is through all of this, or what my love life will look like from here on out, but one thing I know is that God will not withhold anything good from me.  God withhold from any of His children.  My moments of regrets, uncertainty of the future, questionings and loneliness remind me of where my true strength comes from.  My relationship life has shown me a deeper need for my dependence on God as my true source of love joy and fulfillment.

Romance, love, relationships, the dream job all sound great, but in the midst of my business sometimes I lacked the deeper connection with the Divine that now is giving me greater joy than any joy I had about planning my wedding.   I can't explain it.  And I can't help but wonder, how many times is our life less than God's ideal for us because because we're looking around instead of looking up to Christ for our light, hope, peace and fulfillment?  May you find perfect peace and fulfilment in Christ's love for you today!

It Wasn't Enough

With my head buried in my pillows, and a whirlwind of emotions sweeping through my heart, I finally came to grips with the reality of the breakup.  The relationship was actually over.  I couldn't comfort my boyfriend and tell him that I was sorry it didn't work out, and I couldn't comfort myself either.  It was a moment of utter helplessness.  But in the midst of that moment I came to grips with a deeper reality...."It wasn't enough".

In the quiet of that moment alone with God - alone and single - I started to come to grips with the fact that the relationship wasn't enough.  The dream wedding I was working towards creating...the trips we had went on together...finally being in my first relationship ever...having a boyfriend...it wasn't enough.  The fantasy, the romance and the fun times were over.  It had all crumbled apart - and even at it's best, the relationship hadn't ever been enough!  I've always known intellectually that a relationship can't fulfill you and that our ultimate fulfillment has to come from a relationship with Christ.  But it's one thing to know something in your head, and it's another thing to know something in your heart.

There have been so many lessons I've learned from being in a relationship....the need for me to seek to understand people who see things differently than I do....the truth that men are different than women....that love isn't enough....that you can't make yourself fall in love with someone....that saying "I do" is a serious commitment and you have to being willing to say with no regrets "forsaking all others".  That love isn't just a feeling - it's a decision you have to know you're ready to make and know God is asking you to make....that boundaries in a relationship matter more than I thought they did.  Learning what's a deal breaker in a relationship and what is not a deal breaker.  Learning what personality types rub me the wrong way, and what people are easier to get along with....Learning that selfishness, stubbornness and pride ruin relationships more than any other little thing; and that humility and forgiveness are essential to making a relationship work.  But of all the lessons I'm still in the process of learning, I've had to learn that a relationship in and of itself will never be enough to fulfill me.  Sometimes I'm tempted to think otherwise.  I'm tempted to think that a different relationship would be more fulfilling, but deep in my heart I'm learning to accept the truth that only God is enough to fulfill my deepest emotional needs.  Only He is enough to give me peace, joy, and confidence in all the decisions that I'll have to make throughout life.

I believe God allows us to go through experiences that make us actually experience our theology in our hearts.  To bring head knowledge home deep down into our hearts.  I can preach and give Bible studies on the importance of Jesus filling that hole in your heart.  I can talk about the importance of putting God first, spending time in His Word every morning, and praying without ceasing, but until I went through the relationship I didn't realize how much I needed God.  All of the sudden I want to spend hours in His word.  All of the sudden I'm praying more, because I have to.  I need God.  I need Him to be my best friend.  I need His companionship more than ever before because I don't have a boyfriend to talk to.  And through Christ I'm experiencing peace more than before.  Sure there are moments when I question "why", moments when I'm frustrated at the decisions I made and the consequences of them that I have to live with, but deep in my heart there is peace in knowing that I did the right thing.  Peace in knowing I'm in the will of God.  I'm learning Jesus has to be my peace.  I have the tendency to look for peace in circumstances.  In my right decisions, in my relationship working out, but right now all I have to cling to for peace is Jesus.  And I've come to realize that this peace in Christ is more of a witness to those I'm reaching out to than all the words I can say. I never dreamed I could have peace going through a breakup.  But God is a God of peace.  And through this peace I'm able to connect with others I'm seeking to share God's Word with more because of my testimony of the peace and fulfillment I have found in Christ.

People, people, people!

So maybe I am an extrovert, and of course I love my job and what I do, but I'm not beyond the possibility of getting peopled-out!  I have to admit there are some times when I get tired of reaching out to people.

"She's so demanding", I thought to myself.  "It's probably her Indian culture.  She's a difficult person.  She's wants things when she wants them!  Having said that, I couldn't help but remember my shortcoming - I had promised her WEEKS ago that I would print out some hymn lyrics for her to go along with a Christian music CD that I had given her as a gift.  She loves music!  I remember how frustrated I was at the lady's attitude.  And now I was starting to get tired of reaching out to her.  It's easy to justify our frustrations..."it's their culture", "it's his personality type", "She have too many issues!", "They think the world revolves around them!", "He's always late", or "They are so impatient with me!"  Whatever our excuse is, it is always the other person's fault.  They are the ones with the problem - NOT us!  The difficult person to reach out to.  The difficult person to connect. The difficult person to give Bible studies to.  The difficult church member.  Lord have mercy on us!  But isn't this the truth?

Recently I've been struggling to give unselfishly to others.  Without realising it, I had started complaining about other people.  But then it hit me...this wasn't just one incident, it was twice...twice that I had been complaining about other people, rather than realising maybe I'm the one with the problem! There was the lady last week in a Bible study group who had difficulty understanding a truth we were studying.  And I remember the thought crossing my mind "she's a difficult person to work with, other people I've worked with haven't been this difficult."  While there may have been some truth to that statement, in reality I had made a mistake.  She hadn't been ready to hear the truth presented, and I hadn't taken control of the situation in a way that would have most likely prevented her difficulties.  In that moment I felt the holy spirit speaking to my heart and saying, "Do you think that people are an inconvenience?"  In reality, people are an inconvenience!  Ministry never can get crammed into our perfect schedule, neither can it revolve around our preferences!  Its about them - NOT about me, NOT about us!  God doesn't ask us to reach the perfect cookie cutter people, he asks us to reach those who are messy.  Those who are inconvenient.  Those who are impatient with us.  Those who are needy.  Those who are different.  Those who are difficult.

I believe God leads us into situations in our lives where He shows us our neediness.  If there's one thing I'm learning it's to be more unselfish and to put others and their needs first.  If there's one area of my character God is working on, it is Him teaching me to be more giving and more flexible.  I have to take time to ask myself tough questions, such as, "Am I becoming hardened by the hurts, needs, and lacks of humanity?  Am I manifesting the character of Jesus in all I do and say?"  Oh how I want to be like Paul when He said, "I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some."  (1 Corinthians 9:22).  Oh how I want to exemplify the life of Jesus who gave His life for me!  What about you?

Decisions and Knowing God's Will

Sometimes I feel like life is a mixed bag of opportunities, choices, big decisions, thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  It's somewhat like a puzzle to solve - with each life experience a piece that fits into a larger picture of God's plan for our life and the place in humanity He desires for us to fill.  Life is also like a maze we're walking through.  We could go straight north, or a little northeast, or south or southwest, or a number of other directions.  You can also imagine life to be like a race.  A race to a goal, but often times there are many different ways to reach a specific goal.  For example, someone who works as a nurse could work in many different hospitals.  Someone wanting to go into the ministry could go many different routes, they could study theology, or religion, or chaplaincy, or religious education.  And beyond that, there are other types of ministry that people are called to.  We live in a world with many options - which is great.  But how do we know which road to take?  What is it that determines the choices that we make?  How do we know what God really wants us to do?

The first question I ask myself is, "Do I really trust God?"  And, "Is my heart completely surrendered to Him?"  Maybe it sounds too simple to just pray for God's leading in your life.   To walk through the doors that He opens, or wait on Him to see when He lets doors close in your face.  But it really is that simple.  I believe we don't give God enough credit for our lives.  The failures we experience are often God's method of training us for something greater.  The opportunities we are given wouldn't have been available to us if it were not for His blessings and providence.

When I know something is in line with God's will I can pray with boldness, believing that God will answer my prayer.  A couple summers ago when I first started Bible working, I was really strongly impressed through the summer that I needed to keep doing Bible work rather than going back to school in the fall.  So I began to pray that God would open the door for me to work longer as a Bible worker.  I've actually prayed that prayer twice in the past two years since starting Bible work.  Both times I was in the dark for a while and didn't know what I should plan to do in the very near future.  Both times God answered my prayers and gave me another opportunity to work for Him - and He did so right when I was desperate and didn't have any other good options!  I didn't put out my resume looking for a Bible work job, opportunities came to me.  The one time I did send my resume and apply for a Bible worker position, it didn't work out.  Ironic, right?

For me this is a character developing journey of seeing what God really wants for me, and if I will totally stay surrendered to Him rather than pushing for my own plan.  Most of the plans I've made have fallen through.  The plans that did work out are the ones I prayed over for weeks or months until I had confirmation from God that He was leading me in that direction.

But what about the times when you really just don't know?  It's not like there's a right and wrong thing in every situation.  Often times there are several good options.  Then what?  I tend to take two different approaches, the first and main approach is to pray that God will close or open doors according to His will.  I like having lots of options to choose from, I don't like being tied down to a set plan.  And yet, I've found it amazing how much God narrows down my options for me when I pray the specific prayer that He'll open and close doors!  Sometimes I don't like God closing the doors He does!  Sometimes it feels like I'm saying goodbye to my dreams, but God's ways are always better than what we could have chosen for ourselves.  Praying for God to open and close doors and lead in my life makes it easier for me to accept "rejection" because I know God allowed it for a greater reason.  Then instead of being upset when I'm not hired for the job I thought would be perfect for me; or when the guy I loved isn't interested in me; I can believe by faith that God is leading and answering my prayers - even when my heart doesn't feel that way.

The second approach I take is choosing the option that best aligns with God's leading in my past.  In addition to this, I choose whatever option makes the most sense after counseling with others and after looking at the pros and cons of a certain decision.  There is a time for logic and decision making.

It's so easy for me to waver back and forth between the options that both look good!  And so I challenge you, if you're in the midst of making a big decision, first ask yourself the question, "Am I really surrendering this to God?"  If we know that God is leading us, why doubt?  If we know something is right and in accordance with God's will, consistently pray for it and wait to see how God will work out His plan for you!

Be Fearless!

I thought I had overcome all my fears...until recently.  I've come to see fear as an opportunity to look deeper and ask myself questions like, "Why do I worry about this?"  And, "Where is my heart?"  I wonder how many of the fears that we have are related to our past bad experiences.  We're afraid because we don't want to go through the same type of experience all over again!

I remember taking swimming lessons when I was eleven.  I loved the water and caught on pretty fast.  The pool we went to had a high diving board - probably about 10 feet above the pool - and it was a lot of fun jumping from way up there into the water.  Toward the end of the summer, I noticed people diving - not just jumping - from the high dive.  It looked so beautiful, and elegant as people soared through the sky like dolphins, and then deep down into the water below!  I had learned to dive and was pretty comfortable with it, so I wanted to try diving from the high dive, but I wasn't sure I could do it.  I finally mustered up enough courage to try.  Down into the water I went.  And I did a belly flop.  Because I had jumped or dived or whatever you want to call it, from higher in the air, when I hit the water, it hurt my stomach - it sorta stung, if I remember correctly.  As I swam to the edge of the pool, I had a decision to make.  I could either try diving from the high dive again and again until I succeeded or I could let that pain hold me back.

And such is life.  We can let our past experiences scar us, or we can try again, realizing that we all make mistakes, and not all bad experiences were our fault.

Oh, it's so much easier to be afraid!  I tend to retreat - like a wounded soldier.  After fighting for something I thought was worth while, and being rejected - losing the battle - I'm ready to retreat!  Don't say those things again - because someone else might not like it.  Don't totally be myself, because, inevitably, there's something in me people won't like.  Don't ask those questions, because someone might think you're weird, in fact, you might not even get an answer!  Don't be vulnerable.  Don't ever take risks.  And so I put on my facade.  I live in my fake - but comfortable bubble - not letting people see the real me.  But, it's not fulfilling.  Because that's not how I was created to live.

Back to the pool....With some encouragement from others, I tried again to dive off the high dive.  It only took me one or two tries before I was soaring through the sky, and deep down into the water slow, like the others I had watched.  And I wanted to do it again!  And again!  Because it was so much fun.

It takes a lot of courage to move past the past.  It takes a whole lot of faith to believe that someone else won't react in the same way....To believe that somebody different could love an aspect of you that really bothered someone else.  But I think it's worth it.  Life is so much more fulfilling when we live in "the real".  Even when we live "on the edge".  Pushing the limits, questioning the status quo, and risking the chance of being disappointed.  Being kind even when it's not appreciated.  Being honest even when it's not what people want to hear.  That's where I'm really supposed to be.  I think that's where we're all supposed to live, because you never experience growth if you let your fear push you back to where you're comfortable!

Lest it sounds like I'm advocating something a little crazy, let me clarify, don't be fearless just for yourself.  Be fearless for God.  He made you the way you are for a very specific reason.  And He loves you more than anyone else ever can.  He even loves that thing about you that turns off someone else.  And remember, no one else can live the life you've been called to live!  You have a unique calling that only you can fulfil!  Embrace it.  Live past your fears.

So try it.  Knock on another door of opportunity.  There's a different person behind every door.  They're all not going to respond to you in the same way!  Push through the barriers.  Give it all you've got!  Be fearless!  Soar with God!

My Yoke is Easy

A week ago Sabbath, I brought a lady to church for the first time - after only giving her one Bible study.  I've never done that before.

One of the verses we read in our Bible study together was John 15:15; "Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you."  I asked her, what type of relationship does Jesus want to have with us?  She had to read the verse again.  "Not servants...Oh, wow!  Friends!  I really like that."  All through the Bible study she kept saying things like, "Wow, this is awesome!  I'm actually starting to understand the Bible."

I learned a lot about her in that first visit.  She hasn't had an easy life!  She didn't grow up in church.  She's been reading through the Bible on her own - she started in the beginning with Genesis!  She told me she wanted to go to a church that has a good Bible study, so I had to invite her.  I felt like I needed to pray that she would actually come to church.  So I did.  When I called her the next morning to make sure she was expecting me, she still wanted to come.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  When I picked her up she told me she had been a little afraid to come with me, but she figured that that was just Satan trying to discourage her.  Prayer is powerful!  I need to pray more often!  The Bible does say "pray without ceasing", doesn't it?
Next, I was hoping she would have a good experience.  It's a big church and she's a shy person - so yeah, I was a little nervous.  Reasonable, right?  At the end of the service she told me she had never been with such nice, friendly people - who smiled so much!!!!  Oh me of little faith!  And in case you've ever wondered - Yes, your smile can make a difference!

This morning on our way to church I asked her how her week was.  "It was better", she told me.  "I'm starting to worry less.  I believe Jesus is taking my load off me. The peace I have now is so wonderful!  I've never had it before!"

What a powerful testimony this dear lady had just shared with me of what Jesus can do in our lives!

Jesus says:  "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."   (Matthew 11:28-30).

Jesus says:  "The harvest truly is plenteous, but the laborers are few; Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that He will send forth laborers into his harvest."  (Matthew 9:37-38).

Share Jesus with someone today!  It can change their life!  And it might just change the direction of your life in the process!

What more can I say???

A Different Type of Marriage

“You deserve the type of guy who would be willing to drive or fly across the country to come and see you”, the lady said to me - with all good intentions.  Really?  To say the least, her words got me thinking.  I knew where she was coming from, the guy has to be the initiator, sure, I totally get that!  I mean, we live in a world where a man will let his life revolve around the love of his life, right?  And of course, you want to be with someone who really loves you and values you.  But still…“I deserve”?  Is that the right type of attitude?  Would that really set me up for a healthy relationship?  I deserve…and we start writing our list…hard working, must be someone who is really spiritual, has a sense of humor, tall and handsome, (or beautiful), someone who is totally in love with me, someone who respects me, someone who would do anything for me…and the list goes on and on.  Setting our expectation high - maybe even too high, but remember, you can’t sell yourself cheap - and possibly even setting ourselves up for some disappointments down the road.  Can our significant other really be all we want him or her to be?  Who can live up to it all?

Now imagine with me a young happy couple…That glow in each other’s eyes, the joyful conversations, the laughs, the freshness of their new relationship, the hopes, the dreams, and the joys.  Relationships, romance…something about it must hold a kind of charm.  The roses your boyfriend surprises you with, the love letters you get from your girlfriend telling you how much she appreciates you.  The date nights.  Being able to post that new status update that tells everyone in your world that you’re in a relationship.  The happy couple may even seem to have shut themselves off, to some extent, from the rest of the world.  Old friends are forgotten for a time, and life revolves around their relationship.  Theirs isn’t a story of heartbreak, they truly love each other, and besides, happy marriages are possible, believe it or not.  They both love the Lord, and each other, and so they decide to get married.  For them, happiness isn’t an illusion, it’s a reality, we could say, “They live happily ever after.”  Now, if you’re like me, you may wondering, “Well, what happens next?  What do they do with their life?”  Well, maybe then they buy a new house - her dream house.  They have the average 2.5 kids, living the American dream.  In a country where divorce is so popular, somehow this couple got really lucky!  They may argue a little now and again, but they never have any major fights.  They are happy with each other - happy in their own little world.  Together.  Family.  Live…laugh…love.  Now, if we’re honest with ourselves, isn’t this what we want?  The happiness?  Dreams come true?  True love?  A relationship that will actually work?  A relationship that will last forever?  Without the heartache, without ever wondering if you’re loved and appreciated?  Without ever questioning if you’ve married “the right” person?  Yet, I’m still left wondering, is there more to life than this?  What will happen next in their story?  When their life has come to an end, what could be said of them?  What legacy will they have left for humanity?

 

I recently started reading about two amazing people…yet, their life story is very different.  Picture a tall, intelligent, hard-working, fine young man - in the prime of manhood.  The world of opportunities is open to him - he could be anything he wants to be.  Yet his is a different calling.  His heart is pained by something deeper - a people not his own, a people in a far-off land.  He must go.... She was born into an upstanding family, she has all the world has to offer her.  Before the young man leaves, he writes the following letter to the young woman’s father:  

"I have now to ask whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world.  Whether you can consent to her departure to a heathen land, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of a missionary life?  Whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean; to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death?  Can you consent to all this, for the sake of Him who left His heavenly home and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing, immortal souls; for the sake of Zion and the glory of God?  Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with a crown of righteousness brightened by the acclamations of praise which shall resound to her Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?"

As I read this letter, I find myself wondering if there could be more to marriage than what I have thought of.  What if marriage was about mission?  A mission to better reflect the love of Christ, because two can better be the hands and feet of Jesus than one can.  “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor”.  Ecclesiastes 4:9.  What if marriage is really about sacrifice?  What if this was the principle that marriages were formed upon?  "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord...Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."  Ephesians 5:22, 24-25.  Did Jesus ask Himself what He would get out of the deal, when He chose to give His life for us?  

When her father left the choice to Nancy Ann Hasseltine, did she weigh the costs and think of the type of life she deserved?  Did she think of what type of marriage she could have if she said "no", and waited to marry someone who didn’t have such a goal - a marriage that wouldn’t require so much of her?  I don’t know whether she asked herself these questions or not.  All I know is that the father left the choice to his daughter Ann, and she chose to marry him.  With her husband, Adoniram Judson, they became the first missionaries to Burma.  He later writes the following in a letter to Ann:

"What a great change will this year probably effect in our lives!  How very different will be our situation and employment!  If our lives are preserved and our attempt prospered, we shall next year's day be in India, and perhaps wish each other a happy new year in the uncouth dialect of Hindustan or Burma.  We shall no more see our kind friends around us, or enjoy the conveniences of civilized life, or go to the house of God with those that keep holy day; but swarthy countenances will everywhere meet our eye, the jargon of an unknown tongue will assail our ears, and we shall witness the assembling of the heathen to celebrate the worship of idol gods.  We shall be weary of the world, and wish for wings like a dove, that we may fly away and be at rest.  WE shall probably experience seasons when we shall be 'exceeding sorrowful, even unto death.  We shall see many dreary, disconsolate hours, and feel a sinking of spirits, anguish of mind, of which now we can form little conception.  O, we shall wish to lie down and die.  And that time may soon come."

That time which Adoniram spoke of came all too soon, for Ann died at the early age of thirty-seven.  Did she ever regret her choice in life?  I think not.  Would her husband’s life had been the same without her?  Would he have lived out his calling with the same passion, enthusiasm, and dedication?  Would as many people have been reached?  Maybe, but then, maybe not.  I can't help but ask myself the question, "Would I have been willing to do what Ann did?"  

Both Adoniram and his wife Ann lived an incredible life of sacrifice for God.  I think their life modeled well the Biblical standard of marriage.  I believe marriage is giving yourself to the other person.  How much are we willing to give?  I believe each one of us - whether married or single, in whatever occupation we have - needs to ask ourselves the question, what are we living for?  "For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."  1 Corinthians 6:20.  "Whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."  1 Corinthians 10:31.  What if everything in our life revolved around a purpose - a mission - God's calling for your life?  What if instead of thinking of what we deserve, or what we want in our life, we put God and His purpose in the center - with everything else revolving around that?

What do I invest my time and money into?  Is it preparing me for a life of service for my Master?  And when it comes to relationships, who stands out to me, and why?  Is it really fair of me to think of the type of man I think I deserve?  Or is it for me to be willing to sacrifice anything and everything with whoever God chooses to place in my life?  Could it be that marriage is really about coming to grasp a love that is stronger than we can ever know?  A love that held the ultimate Lover to the cross, when He could have turned away?

Sources:  http://www.sbts.edu/resources/journal-of-missions/sbjme-12-fall/the-life-and-significance-of-ann-hasseltine-judson-1789-1826/

Living His Plan

“Alone, alone...I just want to be alone right now!  I don’t feel like being with people”, she said to herself, as she exited the Sanctuary after church.  The mother’s room seemed liked the perfect escape route. Inside the mother’s room she found another door, opening it she found a good size closet, which seemed to welcome her inside.  Upon entering the closet, she buried her face in her lap, and burst into tears.  Frustrations.  Fears.  And yet a little excitement.  Anticipation.  Fatigue.  Hurt.  And deep down inside disappointment.  “It hurts!  I can’t let it go!”  She cried.  “God I don’t want what you have for my life!”  She prayed, as the tears streamed down her face onto her dress.  “Dear God, I really do want to be close to you, but I just don’t want what you have for my life.”  In the silence, His still small voice answered.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had heard His voice so clearly, but this time it was unmistakable.  “But you don’t even know what I’m offering you!”  He said. 

The words struck a chord deep down inside her heart and soul, for she’d heard them before – in fact, she’d spoken them before.  Those long days of knocking doors a couple summers ago, selling books as a literature evangelist – the experience that had lead her on the journey that she would never have picked for herself.  There had been those doors she’d knock where the person would interrupt her mid-sentence and say, “I’m not interested.”  As she walked away from the house she would think to herself, “They didn’t’ even give me a chance!  They don’t know what they’re not interested in!  They don’t’ know what I’m offering.” 

At those words, and the recollection of all they had met to her, the girl suddenly stopped crying, “How could she reject her Lord and Savior?”  So, on she would go.  To another adventure.  On to continue living the same life, and yet in a different way, in a different place.  The hurt was still there.  She will never understand why.  She will never feel totally adequate.  She will ever wonder at God’s leading.  And yet, this is the life she must live at this present time.  For she’s trying – even when it’s difficult – to live His plan.

A Love Beyond

Deeper than the deep emotion the wife and children feel for their man who’s just come back from years as a shoulder overseas...

Stronger than the passion the couple feels who are only a few weeks away from their wedding day – just a a few more days and we will be...

Beyond the warmth of an embrace when it’s been months since you’ve seen the one you love so dearly...

Beyond the feelings of heart sickness of the girl who is in love and separated by miles as she says, “I miss you so much, I just want to be together.”

More committed than the dedication of commitment the couple who have been together...

Dearer than the love a mother feels that moment she births her first born child and holds him in her arms...

The parent who’s heart goes out to the wayward child – the one who’s lost his path, who’s making grave mistakes yet won’t listen to advice...

The compassion the Doctor feels for his patient, as he says "we must do something fast or we may loose him before the night is over"...

The man who shows forgiveness to the wife who has hurt him, who leaves him, but decides to come back to him....The overwhelming gratefulness she has as she embraces the fact that he loves her anyways...

But yes, it’s deeper than that.  It's a love that has no end.

"Behold! what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us that we should be called the sons of God."  1 John 3:1.  "How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure...."  We look for this love, we see but dim reflections of such a love....

Above the frustration of an unresolved conflict, beyond the closeness of those who you hear the words, "I love you" from....Above the hurt you feel when no one understands what you are going through, a stronger voice, a more tender voice says “I love you more, I love you most.”

Beyond what we can see, beyond what we hear, beyond what we feel, beyond what is even humanly possible for our minds to comprehend or our hearts to fully believe, is a deep strong love that pleads tenderly for our recognition.

It’s ardor has never run out, it’s consistency never wanes, it’s patience goes beyond what we've seen in any human being, it suffers long though it's been rejected ….This love is the love of the Father, the love that never fails.  When we sit at the top of the mountain, when we’re at our lowest point all alone, still God’s love is there.  Who can separate us from the love of God?  Only one – the person you see in the mirror.  The love that is stronger than death.  He confines Himself to our choice, because such love in it’s very essence is the freedom to choose to accept love.  Will we choose to be loved beyond?  Will we see our Father’s love for all that it truly is?

Fearless

Whimper, whimper, whimper.  The little cries from the corner drew my attention.  Mini, the family puppy, was again afraid of something - this time it was the gentle rain.  "The rain is outside, it can't hurt the puppy - silly dog", I thought to myself.  "It's OK Mini, you're fine, I'm right here", I found myself saying in my sweetest wanna-be-a-mom type of voice. The whimpering continued... "OK, I'll let you can  come out of your cage", I said to Mini.

I'm not an expert on dogs, but Mini is the most fearful puppy I've ever known!  She's afraid of everything - rain, being walked on her leash, eating food off the floor, and at times, she's even afraid of her master!

I couldn't help but think of myself.  I haven't always been a competent girl living thousands of miles away from home, going door-to-door, giving Bible studies, living with people I've just recently met, and making friends with strangers.  I don't think I was born with the gift of being able to talk to just anyone - though others might object - it's more something I had to get used to.  So many times God has had to calm my fears and reassure me that He is right there with me leading me, and that I can go forward because He's in control.

I recently read a quote that said, "You have to want it more than you fear it."  In some ways, I feel this statement is true.  I wonder, How often are our fears a cry for more?  A cry for freedom, a cry to be able to do what we know would be fulfilling - if we could be free from the fear of failure.  A cry to experience more, a cry to be closer to someone, to pursue a dream, to work towards a goal.  To have a deeper relationship with God, to have a closer relationship with friends or family.

It's amazing to me how many times in the Bible you can find the phrase "fear not".  One of my favorite examples, is the story of Mary.  She was a godly young woman, and yet she didn't know what to think when an angel appeared before her.  Something about large, Divine, angelic beings, seems to instill fear into most finite beings.  But when the angel said "Be not afraid," Mary was ready to obey, even though her lot in life as being the mother of the Messiah was not going to be the easiest.

What about us?  How do we respond when God gives us a command and tells us not to be afraid?  Do we hold onto our selfish fears, or do we go forward?

I can't say that I'm totally fearless yet, but I've come to realize when I step outside of my comfort zone, I experience a freedom in Christ that supersedes my previous fears.  "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.  He that feareth is not made perfect in love."  1 John 4:18 .  What are you willing to do for the love of Christ?  What are you willing to do to show your love for someone?  Whatever it is - it will be worth letting go of your fears!

Blessings

"Church pot lucks are risky for people who have food intolerances", I thought to myself as I sat on the sofa trying to endure the stabbing pain in my stomach.  This was the first time I had experienced any such pain in a while.  The only things I've dealt with are missing my family at times, or missing my best friends.  I couldn't help but think back to the year when feeling sick was more normal for me than feeling well.  That was back when having a job outside of the home was impossible for me, and going to college wasn't an option because of my health challenges.  My streamlined plan of leaving home and following my dream of starting and finishing college in a timely fashion was overruled.  That was also before I met some of the friends who have come to mean the world to me, and before I ever dreamed I would be doing Bible work.

The words of a song floated through my mind...  "What if your blessings come through raindrops what if your healing comes through pain, what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're there."  (Laura Story)

I remember those sleepless nights all too well...when I would vomit up to twenty times in a night and get nearly no sleep.  And the tears I shed when I had to lay down on the couch and rest, with a lack of appetite and a lack of energy.  I hated not being able to be busy and accomplish a lot of things!  But I learned the importance of being still and knowing God - there was nothing else I could do.

For me, those years were more than just a time of sickness where we tried to figure out what was wrong with me.  They were a time to seek God's will for my life.  That summer I had my last violin lesson with the teacher who had taught me for over eight years.  After playing a Mozart violin concerto, my teacher said to me, "That was beautiful.  God has blessed you for the amount of time you practice because you make God and family a priority.  You could go where ever you want with music, you could be a concert violinist, a violin teacher, or anything you want to be."  I was thankful for her kind words, but even as I listened, I knew deep down inside my heart that God was not calling me to a career in music.

I believe God allows us go through things to show us the weakness of our own heart.  Until having health challenges, I never realized how much I took God's blessings for granted.  God was teaching me the importance of surrender, and how to trust Him completely with my life.  He gave me Bible verses that said:  "Wilt thou not from this time cry unto me, My Father, thou art the guide of my youth?"  (Jeremiah 3:4, KJV).  "Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth."  (Jeremiah 33:6, KJV).  "For I know the thoughts that think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."  (Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV).

After a lot of prayer and doctor's appointments, my health started getting a little better.  I decided to go to college, and at the time, God was leading me to study elementary education.  The climax of the experience of the whole experience, was when I finished that first semester of college.  I returned home sicker than before I had left.  Even my Dad - who is a very calm man and doesn't make a big deal out of things - put his foot down and said I was not going back to school the next semester.  Even though I wanted to make my own decision to go back to college, I knew my Dad loved me and knew what was best.  The experience lead to me my Heavenly Father.  "What is your purpose for my life in this?" I prayed, "What do I have to live for?  I thought I was following your leading, I thought I was doing everything right.  Here I've sacrificed my dreams to follow You, and this is what I get."  

Up until this point, I had never realized how much I struggled with a legalistic mindset towards God and religion.  The hardest thing for me about the whole ordeal was it struck at the very core of what I thought about life and God's character.  "Why would God allow this?  I deserve to be healthy, I eat healthy, this should only happen to people who eat really unhealthy.  And don't I deserved a Christian education?"  I questioned.  But God showed me that the greatest of all education is to learn to trust Him, and follow His plan for my life.  Little by little, He was teaching me to love and value Him more than my ambitions, more than my friends, more than education, and more than my plans for my life.  I had to come to the point where I realized that I have never and will never, deserve the least of God's blessings.  I learned to lean more on His Word than anything else in this world.  I could truly say, "I hope in Your Word." (Psalm 119:114, KJV).  Since then, in Bible work I've meant people who have truly had a difficult life.  When I meet them I have greater sympathy for them, and don't look down on them because I realize that could just as easily have been me, were it not for God's grace and blessings.

Looking back, I can put some of the puzzle pieces together and see how God was leading me.  But I'm no where near the end of the journey!  At times I'm tempted to think that I've earned things rather than giving God the glory, and sometimes I still try to earn love and acceptance.  At other times I'm tempted to try to solve other people's problems, instead of realizing that God is in control.  My flesh wants to follow my own plan instead of waiting patiently on God to lead my life.  But now, when I start to complain about some little issue, I remember what God has brought me through, and I have to say, I am truly blessed.  I also genuinely love life!  Why?  Because it is a precious gift and each day is a new adventure.  "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variation or shadow of turning."  (James 1:17, NKJV)

This morning as I look out at the sunshine, I'm thankful that the stabbing pain in my stomach is now gone.  I'm thankful for health.  I'm thankful for my family and for the amazing friends God has placed in my life.  I'm thankful for life and God's many blessings.  I'm thankful that God's plans for me are good.  I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless His holy name.  Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who reeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's."  

(Psalm 103:1-5, KJV)

Outside the Gate

A few moments to sit down and write a note to someone who needs to be appreciated...Will you reach outside the gate?  The gate of "I have no time"? the gate that says, "This doesn't really matter"?

A smile, a hug, an encouraging word...that may be all it takes to cheer someone who's spirits are down....Will you reach outside the gate?

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to tell that someone is hurting.  They're dealing with something they can't trust just anyone with, but it's eating away at them, because they can't work through it alone....Will you listen?  Will you reach outside the gate?  The gate of your own group of friends?  The gate of "this is my comfort zone"?  The gate of your own school, your own home, and your own routine?

A soul who's longing to be noticed - to be viewed a way no one has ever seen them before....Will we see them as Jesus sees them?  Will we reach outside the gate?  The gate of prejudice, the gate that says, "They're weird", or "That's not politically correct, it goes against the social norm"?

Will we reach without the gate?  Will we reach out beyond ourselves to touch someone who is hurting more?  Will we go outside our camp to find those souls for whom Christ shed His blood?  Will we follow Jesus outside the gate?

"So also Jesus suffered and died outside the city gates to make His people holy by means of his own blood.  So let us go out to Him, outside the camp, and bear the disgrace He bore."

-Hebrews 13:12-13

These Moments of Ministry

The times it's raining hard, and you don't want to be driving through it, but you slowly, carefully, persevere because you have a Bible study scheduled your going to....

The faces you get to see turned from tearful, lonely, or sad, to relaxed, thankful and relieved....

The phone call you don't want to answer because it's someone hurting - a prayer request for God to work in a messy situation that only He can mend....

The times you tell your family and your best friends "I miss you, but I'm not coming to see you yet, God said 'wait', and He comes first."

The nights you are up later than you want to be, because something came up that you were not planning on doing....

The stories you get to hear that have never been told before, of the miracles God has been working in a life....

Those times you are inconvenienced, but somehow you're not being one bit impatient, and then you realize God is doing something in your life that only He could do....

The satisfaction you have when someone starts reading the Bible for themselves.  Those moments you feel helpless, like you can't keep going on, and you breathe a silent prayer, and God answers and totally takes over for you....

The fulfilment you experience when someone makes a decision to give their life to Christ, to go into the waters of baptism, to start a new life with Christ.  The joy you feel when they explain how they're excited for the new start they will now have with God....

The person who comes to church or prayer meeting because you call and encourage them almost every step of the way, telling them how they can make it and they will really enjoy it....

The hearts you get to love, the souls you feel a burden for, and the promises you find when you realize the burden is to big to bear alone...

These are the moments that make a life in ministry totally worth living!

The Gift of Life

I hadn't heard from her for a week or so. "No, I'm too busy for Bible study this week" she had told me the last time I heard from her.  For some reason, I couldn't get her off my mind, I had to go and visit her.  What was going on in her life I didn't know, but I had to push through to find out. 

I knocked at her door, she opened it wide, and let me inside.  We talked casually for a while, and then she told me what had really been going on.  Her cousin had just been killed, "He was only 21!" she exclaimed.  She followed me outside the door and told me the whole story, how he had been missing, where they found him, and that the murderer was his roommate (apparently they had been in a fight). 

I had come to another one of those moments as a Bible worker when really nothing you say matters.  I was at a loss of words.  In retrospect, the few comments I made really don't seem like they were "correct".  All I could do is point her to the source of comfort, and say how every such experience should make us long even more for Heaven.

As I drove away, I couldn't help but realize what a gift we have by just being alive!  He was too young to die!  He had his whole life ahead of him!  What if that had been one of my best friends who had just lost their life?  I'm his age and yet I'm alive....for a reason.  Life is fragile, yet how often do I take this gift for granted?  Am I spending every spare moment to speak a word of encouragement to someone who needs it?  In light of eternity are the things that I complain or stress or worry about really worth my time?  Am I showing love to those around me?  Do I value the people in my life?  Do I live life to the fullness?  When I wake up in the morning, is it with a smile on my face for another day to praise the Lord and let him lead me moment by moment?

Look Deeper

Will you look beyond what I'm saying, and take time to understand what I really mean?

Do you see through my frustrations to what is really etching at my heart?

Can you see that my questions really are a key to my heart, rather than something that I need answered?

Will you choose to look beyond the craziness of my life, and see where I'm actually going, the goals I'm pursuing, and the values I cling to when I look like I'm a mess?

Will you choose to look a little deeper?  Because I'm not ready to be perfectly honest about everything I'm holding inside.

They say I'm an extravert, but do you realize I really don't say all that is on my mind?  While I love connecting with people, sometimes I need someone to pull me out of myself.  I love meeting new people, but I value quality friendships over quantity.

You've always understood me more than I'd like to admit, but what would you say if I told you what I really want is to understand, rather than to be understood?  I want to understand you too, but I really don't know where to begin.

Can you take a moment to look beyond the facts that others see, the me that's on the surface, the person everyone knows?  Will you look a little deeper and find what I'm trying to hide, because it's deeper than what people think.

True Friendship

When you are accepted for who you are instead of being questioned “why”, or asked to explain yourself…

When you’re told, “I understand” and you know they really mean it and you don’t have to doubt….
When you’re given room to grow, but know they’re there for you when you need an encouraging word, or advice no one else can give in quite that way….


When you’re appreciated for the little things, and thanked when you don’t have to be….
When you say goodbye and your heart is still with those you’re leaving or those who are leaving you….

When someone else speaks the thoughts on your mind….You know you have somehow come across a treasure you never asked for you, you never deserved….a treasure that makes life better, but more difficult too….

It’s something to value, something I sometimes want to run from because I don’t feel good enough, yet something that touches my heart deeper than words can express....This is the treasure of true friendship. Something to value, something you never deserve.
 
Sometimes I’m tempted to run away from it, because of my independent spirit, but when I’m alone I know a part of myself is missing because life is always better when shared with true friends.